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Newest Member: NeedSomeAdvice (45762)

User Topic: I made a poor choice
Iamacrab
40410
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to talk about a poor choice I made.

Before my bout of false R w WH, he said he thought he wanted a divorce (we were separated at the time). About 6 mo later, we were totally living apart, and a person I casually dated years ago contacted me (I hadn't talked to him in over 5 yrs). At that time, I really cared for him, but chose to end things for various reasons and date WH.

We quickly were for several months in a long distance flirting and talking type of relationship, talking and texting a few times a week. He knew of my situation, I was totally honest about it and my feelings and I thought we were actually becoming close. I felt I could trust him, which was lovely after WH, and I knew in the past he was serious about me.

He started not answering my questions etc. A week or two later I asked him what was going on, and he said he gets depressed, he needs time to figure his stuff out but that I'm important to him, and always have been, that we'll continue to talk.
I asked if I did something or could help him, he said no. We haven't spoken since.

Then WH said he wanted to try to fix things, so we went through all of that, and that ended up being false.

Now I am reflecting back and I should have not gotten involved in any way, gotten him involved. Now I just feel rejected, I don't understand why I was really, but it was likely for the best as I wasn't and am still not in the place for a relationship. I still feel shitty about it though, like now I wasn't enough for two people I really cared about (even though I know WH's A wasn't about me not being enough), and I hope I didn't hurt this other person again as well.
I have so much more work to do on myself, alone, not jumping into anything else, even after this D is final. Ugh.


Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
trumanshow
♀ 25624
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read that the first "rejection" after you sep is more painful than you'd expect because it brings back unresolved issues from your "failed" marriage.

I think this is true. I would suggest being alone for a while. May not be fun (at first) but I think it's necessary


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Iamacrab
40410
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man do I feel rejected, it is really not nice. I just found out he has a new gf. I'm happy for him and don't even think he's supposed to be the one for me and I still feel that way.
I wonder why that all happened then, why get me involved, why reach out?

I wonder if WH used me to cushion that feeling when his AP dumped him as well, or maybe felt it was a good opportunity to try, but really didn't want to deep down, so that's why he ended up saying he didn't really love me.

Yes. I think being alone is the right thing. I need to learn to live and focus just on me and what I need to heal myself. Big sigh.


Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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