I am so effed up and pissed off. I was too sick and weak from my high risk pregnancy to really think clearly.
I was pregnant. He did not use condoms with the whore.
He came home and had sex with me after sex with her.
How could he do that??
How do I 'come to terms' and 'gain perspective' (his words) of what he is capable of, and stay married to him?
Any comment, advise, philosophy, greatly appreciated....
I am disgusted.
[This message edited by Littleleaf at 5:48 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]
As far as what to do now, it's not to just come to terms with it like he wants. That's a nice, white glove way for him to ask you to just forget it, sweep it way under the rug, and continue with life as it was so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore.
Real R doesn't require you to just get over it. From what I've seen on this site, it takes months and years of him helping you, working on himself and your M through therapy, talking and giving you the freedom to process this horrible betrayal. If he is unable or unwilling to do all these basic things for as long as you need, it sounds like you are just going to spin your wheels.
You have every reason to be disgusted and angry. He had unprotected sex with another woman and came home and had unprotected sex with you while pregnant. STD's can be very,very dangerous for an unborn child..and the mother too,of course. What he did was thoughtless,reckless,dangerous,and completely negligent. It could have had dire consequences.
If he doesn't understand how shitty his actions were,Im sorry. If by "come to terms," he means you need to accept it..well..that will come with time.
But I think your perspective is spot on.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
of the sheer magnitude of the danger that he placed you and your unborn child in by his gross negligence of both of your healths during an already 'high risk' pregnancy. Is he in IC?
He did it because he wanted to. There may be other things at play, but that's what it boils down to.
He wanted to.
There simply is no way to put that into perspective.
You might be able to learn to live with it. Together, you might be able to move forward constructively---with him gathering better coping tools and rejecting certain behaviors.
But there's no way to "gain perspective" about a guy who fucks around on his pregnant wife during a high-risk pregnancy, potentially exposing her to filthy disease.
He's the one who needs to gain perspective.
We must move on