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Week 2 and WH is a SA

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Seriouslystomped posted 9/29/2013 09:45 AM

So WH is away this weekend and I had time to think. Running over in my mind the things he told me and that I found. Recap of WH actions that i know about; pot smoking, porn on a regular basis, A with a woman, A with a man He met and did a HJ with on a nude beach and lastly plans to meet up with the man for a get away with sexually explicit talk done via email to the OM while we sat in the living room together. These emails I read and had seared into my brain. So someone had suggested hes a SA so last night I go into the web site Recovery Nation (RC) and I start reading about it, when the full gravity of the situation hit me I could not stop crying. I cried for three hours as I read. This is my husband to the tee. I see now that there is really NO Hope of him being able to help himself with this without lengthy "years" counseling and self improvement and apparently an iron will. They said to expect "relapse" as he does get help. WOW Another bomb hits me as I read how he cannot do anything for me and apparently NEVER will as he is too immature emotionally and Screwed up. I am on my own in the storm and better start sucking it up unless I want to lose my mind and be in a padded cell. Absolutely nothing at all positive in possible healing for our marriage on this site. I am looking at years of being supportive while he screws around doing who know what and looking for himself!! And then if he does manage to pull his head out of his A$&, he can "relapse",
This is Bull s@&$. I do not have the strength to do that. M a complete mess... So devastated right now, my marraige has blown up right before my eyes and nothing I do will stop the hemoraging.

Broken1Again posted 9/29/2013 11:11 AM


I feel your pain. I'm not sure if my WS is an SA or just a serial cheater (there is a difference). I do know though that I think I've waited to long to leave. I should have left at the first sign of trouble. (but on the other hand I'm a Christian and believe God has a plan for me and I'm right where he wants me to be for some reason I don't know why yet).

I know you are shaken, and you should be. So don't fight those emotions. Cry, cry for 8 hours if you have to. That will be the rollercoaster that this is for the first few weeks. Have you considered IC? Definitely something I should have done for myself instead of sending stupid WS on my IC appointments because I thought he was the one who needed more help. NO you need the help, the strength, the willpower. You need all of this before you can make any decision as to what you are going to do. DO NOT get stuck in this mess without a life jacket.

You need IC immediately. You know how when you're in a plane and the flight attendants tell you to secure your mask before securing a child's mask. Well this is the same thing. Secure your mask first, or your no good to yourself or him if you choose to stay.

Remember you are not in a rush to make a decision. The onus is on him to get his head out of his ASS. The only onus for you is to yourself. To currently make sure you are taken care of in the best way possible given the circumstances.

Seriouslystomped posted 9/29/2013 11:35 AM

I am a Christian too and I have cried out and asked for help from the Lord. Its only Jesus holding me up at this point. I am not sure this is the sort of life that is planned for me, and my stomach churns at the thought of going on with this for the rest of my life. Never knowing what STDs i may be subjected too and where his penis has been. I did go to IC a few days ago bc we had her from MC a while back. I have another appt this coming week. I just cried and ranted there. Maybe next time will be better. I'm pretty sure he should move out for now and just work on himself and leave me out of it! roller coaster is exactly right description of what I'm going through. I will attempt to secure my oxygen mask as I know I have to.

Missymomma posted 9/29/2013 15:24 PM

SS - So sorry you find yourself here! Seems that there is alot of SA these days. First, please read the first page of the thread for spouses of SAs at

Second, please go to and look for a CSAT in your area.

Third, while RN is a good resource in addition to a CSAT and SA meetings, it is NOT a replacement. If your SAWH is interested in recovery, I personally think that going to a treatment center FIRST is the way to go. Then to start working with a CSAT and attending meetings. If you cannot afford for him to go to rehab, then find a CSAT immediately!

Lastly, but most importantly, find a support system for YOU. COSA or SAnon and your own CSAT or trauma specialist that deals with the spouses of SAs. You are right, the relapse rate is high! My SAWH has not relapsed for sex addiction, he has had slips however. I am in a much better place to handle my life, no matter what choices my SAWH has made.

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