Trying to adjust to the facts.
I cannot R alone.
I am not sure what my next practical step should be.
Financially, I cannot support my home alone. He cannot either and I know that I cannot depend on him for help.
I have discovered that he owes years of back child support. If he wasn't responsible for his daughter he surely won't be responsible to me.
House value is maybe equal to mortgage. It is in my name only, not his, though we were married when we purchased.
I feel so broken. I have tried so hard. He just doesn't have it in him to repair the damage that he caused.
He wants to stay married and rugsweep. I actually thought about it, what it would be like, how I would feel.
I would feel like I sold myself cheap. Like a prostitute, sell myself for the easy road, the safe road.
I don't know if this makes any sense. My mind is just spinning, trying to get a handle on the reality.
I feel like I am in a deep dark bottomless pit.
Now, I honestly wish I had never met him. He has only caused me pain. The good that was is not worth the price that I paid.
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie