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I was married for 22 years to my ex. He is a very mechanical and technical type person. He always planned well financially and also was very handy. He could talk to just about anyone. I guess I think I kind of lost what was good about me in the marriage, because I thought I just never measured up to his ability. Now that he has been gone for three years and we are now divorced, I see so many of my good qualities that were there but were never really acknowledged by him, or his family because they were so busy acknowledging his. I have strength, courage, loyalty, perseverance, integrity, and resilience to name some. I don't know why I didn't think of these when we were together. It is like my self-esteem is higher now than when we were together, even though I still miss him, his love and the marital relationship very deeply. Not sure if anyone else has thought about this. It is like I am a more confident in myself now, but also more lonely and sad than I was when we were married.

I think I was spending so much time putting out fires where my exwh was concerned that I just didn't have time to focus on myself in any way.