I understand and feel your pain. Sometimes i simply can not believe that this is my life now. I didnt choose this, i didnt ask for this, my kids didnt choose this. It was forced upon me/us all. The ripple effects seem never ending.
Its amazing the things that trigger us, isnt it?? Something completely unrelated throws you into a tailspin. That happens to me often. But, as others have said, it does lessen with time. They become more manageable as you begin to process and wrap your head around this new reality.
Like you i often ask how WH could bring himself to do this. To me. To us. To our kids. To our family. to our friends. I have asked him that question countless times......but no matter what he says, there is never an answer that will justify it. There is never an answer/reason/excuse that makes me go "ohhh, yeah, i get it. alrighty then!" Its just simply inconceivable.
I found a quote in my pinterest searches for inspiration (and the occasional dinner) LOL!
"What defines us is how well we rise after falling"
We have fallen, both my WH and I....he may have fallen differently, harder, farther, darker....but we have both fallen along the path that led us to this place. Now, it is about rising...changing the things within us that we didnt like and in our marriage. Rebuilding each of us individually and as an end result, rebuilding and replacing with something new and better and stronger.
It took me many, MANY months to work thru my feelings and decide that I had it in me to commit to R. Face your feelings head on. Take some time, lots of time, to really work thru your feelings, decide what you want for YOU, what YOU need, what you DESERVE out of your marriage/spouse. Settle for nothing less. Work on getting yourself strong. It takes time...way more time than any of us wants it to. But you are worth it. We all are.
hugs to you!