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Pass posted 9/29/2013 13:34 PM

I'm getting much better at looking like I don't care about the things the boys tell me about her. I'm hoping all that pretending will eventually turn into the real thing. Once in a while it happens.

Not today.

When I first moved out, she told me that it would take all her income ($90,000/year) to keep up the house on her own, so she wouldn't be able to support me. I said okay, of course, I'm not looking for a rescue.

She then proceeded to buy a new (bigger!) car, get a natural gas hookup to the house, buy a new furnace, go whitewater rafting, ride in a glider, go on a "solo" overnight trip to Montreal, the list goes on.

I've had a really hard time working on account of my depression, and spent about the first three months after moving just crying all day. As a result, I have burned through my savings, and have no money at all.

I've been busking to make extra grocery money, and went to the food bank last week. I told The Princess that I am out of money. I said that of course I'm not asking for help, but wanted to let her know that's why I can't pay for the boys' music lessons like I did last year.

She phoned me that night to say that REALLY I am asking for help because I can't contribute as much. Then she proceeded to tell me how she is going further into debt each month, because she is spending "more than she makes". So basically, she wanted to make me feel like shit.

Last year, I made about a third of what she did.

The boys said she bought a new barbecue (there was nothing wrong with the one they had), a new fire pit for the backyard, and a cord of wood to burn in that pit.

This is seven days after we had that conversation, where she made me feel like shit!

Fucking hate her!

HurtsButImOK posted 9/29/2013 14:07 PM

She is a piece of work pass, I despise her for you too.

As if being cheated on isn't bad enough, the atrocities they commit and continue to commit post DDay/S/D are just beyond fucking cruel.

Sorry she is such a shit.

SBB posted 9/29/2013 16:35 PM

The betrayals beyond infidelity were surprising for me too.

A few SI-isms:
Cheaters lie. Liars cheat.
Don't expect in D what you didn't get in your M.

What a piece of work.

The sad clown is using my investment in his career to buy OWUmpteen and her friends cocaine and champagne lifestyle whilst telling everyone that I've ripped him off (he doesn't tell them he pays $8k p/a CS on a $250k+ income).

I guess buying friends is expensive, buying a GF even more expensive.

It still makes me mad that my financial retirement was tied up in such a loser. I'll be fine day-to-day and will have to make up the rest once the girls are grown but I'll be in my 50s by then.

What percentage of the boys costs are you each paying? I have 70/30 which is our income split as of today. That will grow as the split gets bigger (he's at the bottom of his earning capacity, I'm at the top of mine). If he decides to reneg on that (which I completely expect he will) then the girls will only get to do what I can afford to pay 30% of without having to live on cheese and toast. It sucks but I'm preparing myself for it emotionally as best I can.

I stupidly had children I can't afford on my own if I want any sort of financial security in my future. I'm now forced between the two and my girls come first. I'll make it work. Lots of people do.

It.still.sucks.arse. Big time. One of the most bitter pills to swallow.

Its hard but you do need to stop looking over the fence. I say this to myself as much as to you.

Bluebird26 posted 9/29/2013 19:07 PM

I know how hard it is. I am living it. We go from paycheck to paycheck. I have my kids 90% of the time. The xwh is living the high life with his Wifestress yet can't pay his child support on time and is 6 months behind in paying his portion of our out of pocket medical expenses for the therapy for our SN son that he needs to function. It's getting to the point where I won't be able to continue to support his therapy.

The x makes at least twice I make a year plus they have the wifestress' income which is at least twice mine as well. Yet he screams he's broke.

My advice as much as it's difficult right now don't give her the satisfaction of breaking you anymore. Don't communicate with her.

Are you divorced yet? Can you claim some spousal support at all? We don't have that here so unsure of how that works where you are.

[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 7:08 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]

hurtbs posted 9/29/2013 19:34 PM

What is the financial agreement you two have right now? Can you modify it?

Pass posted 9/29/2013 22:00 PM

Don't expect in D what you didn't get in your M

Dude, you got that right!

We don't have any separation agreement written up at this point. We're each paying for our own households, which would average out about right if I could get my brain back to work again.

I swear I'm trying.

SBB posted 9/30/2013 01:18 AM

We don't have any separation agreement written up at this point.

I hope you're working towards one! These things have a way of deteriorating over time. I for one feel more secure by having our broad agreement locked in. Otherwise he could do WTF-ever he likes without recourse.

He still tries to yank my chain by being purposefully obtuse about certain clauses but it's all bark, no bite.

When I set out my interpretation of the clause and its intention he actually said "interpretation has no place in Family Law"

I so wish it was true - millions of lawyers would be jobless if that was the case, fuckwit.

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