That's what my WH did as well, he went to an ex-girlfriend. The one that I've always "wondered" if he was over. Apparently it wasn't. It is now, but the damage that has been done is indescribable. Getting all the truth from him was one of the most painful if not the most painful thing I've had to do, but it is necessary. If he's not willing to spill it or you get TT, you will NEVER begin to heal.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
The most common (I can't say best) how & why is because they were criminally selfish. Because they thought only of themselves and what they wanted. Because they so utterly lacked something inside of themselves, there was such a gaping hole in their souls, that they took the cheap way out and hauled in construction debris to fill in the hole. They could have gone for the good quality, shit-free filler of talking to their WS, talking to an IC, asking for help, etc, but they thought they would do the job on the cheap and quick. So they snuck off to a construction site and filled up that gaping hole with filler that had nails, sewage, and bits and pieces of other shit mixed in, and then wondered why that filler didn't hold, didn't nurture good soil to grow healthy plants, only weeds.
I'm so sorry.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
We live in different time zones, and I haven't found anything to suggest they actually met in person.
But he told her he loved her.
He sent her naked pictures.
He enjoyed the naked pictures she sent to him.
He reminisced about old times, and allowed her to find superiority since, technically, she has known him longer.
He dug through his memory box and went through HUNDREDS of negatives to find the few he had of her.
Then he found a piece of equipment so he could upload them to his computer. He did this less than 1 month before I discovered what was going on...and I read the text exchange telling her that he couldn't stop thinking about her.
The pain is horrible.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with the aftermath of his disastrous choices.
I hope you find peace.