I believe as a BS we are 50% responsible for the problems in our marriage. Not one of us is perfect in our marriage so please don't try and wear that as a WS. My WH chose to have an EA and that is 100% on him, but after much self reflection and journaling I have realized that we were having problems and we were not talking about them. I shut down and became lost in myself my WH made a wrong choice and choose an A instead of coming to me with his concerns.
If we are 50% at fault for our marital problems them we are 50% responsible for fixing our marital issues. You as WS can only do so much. If you are doing everything right with TT providing info as requested, answering questions and making amends then you are doing your part. It is up to us as BS to figure out what we need from you and state our needs clearly and concisely and to work at bettering ourselves and to do the work to get past the anger and betrayal we feel. That time line is different for everyone and unfortunately some BS can not move past it.
Encourage your BS to write down his anger or to even write letters to you about his feelings. He doesn't have to give them to you, he can write them and shred them. The purpose of the exercise is to get the feelings and the anger out and make your feelings known. Once you shred them you are saying that those feelings are over and done with for now. My IC suggested this as well as my Alanon sponsor and I have found it very cathartic, he may find it is as well.
Good luck, may you find some peace on you path.
I believe that everything in our lives happens for a reason, even the bad stuff. We learn and we move forward. The reason may not be known to you for a long time but it will eventually become known!
[This message edited by emotionalgirl at 11:47 PM, September 30th (Monday)]