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brknwmn posted 9/29/2013 18:17 PM

Just found myself really down today. There was nothing in particular...just sad. I think it's because "meet season" is coming up so fast...(2 months away) and FWH has to go out of town. He wants me to attend every meet with him just so he can spend the time reassuring me...sounds wonderful...except they have to go back to the meet (where he met and slept with her). the owner of the gym chooses where they compete & i know he voiced his opinion against going to that one...still it freaks me out...i've shut down and i know i have...i've told him my concerns (what if I go and she's there, what if I don't go and she's there, what if the gym owner books the same hotel that he slept with her in, so many what ifs...) i just can't seem to process it...and it frustrates me I hate feeling so weak!
I've never let fear get in the way of anything i did and all of a sudden b/c of his infidelities fear is all I see

pretendingtobe posted 9/29/2013 18:30 PM

I wish I had some wise advice, but sadly I don't. The "what if" game is so horrible. I am over 2 years out and I wonder sometimes why I have stayed. Other than the facts that I do love my WH and he has been trying for the most part to help me heal. I guess I am still angry that the confidence that I used to him is not there anymore. His actions have caused me to feel "less than" and that is what makes me sad, hurt and angry. I have lost a part of me and that is what I have been trying to work on this past year. I have to put me back together not just us. BIG HUGS to you.

brknwmn posted 10/1/2013 18:30 PM

thanks pretendingtobe...i explained everything to him and he just held me and told me sorry over and over. he says theres no way for him to take those thoughts away but he will do his best to keep them as far away as possible...i just hate always wondering...is it even worth it you know?