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I've heard that sometimes one spouse has to cover all legal fees for both parties. When does this happen? Is it determined by who files??

It is dependent on state and if you are filing fault. (in terms of legal requirements). However, sometimes spouses will negotiate attorneys fees as part of the settlement.

For example, I filed in TX which is a fault state. I could have filed for attorney's fees if I filed fault (I chose not to). However, recouping attorneys fees is another issue. You can't garnish wages for it.

Have you consulted an attorney yet?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:37 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]

I'm in a no fault state (IN). I do have an attorney and plan on asking her tomorrow. I'm fearful my STBXH will come after me for attorney fees since I have to be the grown-up and be the one to file. Even though he is the one who has had 2 different affairs on me over the last year and a half. He says he still wants to be married to me....really frustrating situation.

I filed in Texas- which is a no fault state last I heard- and we each paid our own fees.

Depends. New York is a no fault state and generally, the "monied" spouse is ordered to pay attorneys fees. It doesn't matter here who filed or who caused the M to irretrievably break down.

In my case, ex-shat ended up paying half my attorny fees in the settlement. I was a SAHM when we got divorced.

Not an atty, so take this with a grain of salt.

Usually fees are awarded in the case of gross misconduct or income disparity. So you see it a lot with contempt rulings.

If you're filing contested due to adultery, then fault or no fault, no judge would award your ex atty fees in a situation where he's the accused. Now, if you accuse him and it comes out that it's a false accusation, then the judge could rule in your ex's favor. And unless you're a millionaire and he's a pauper then I think you're OK as well.

We've asked for STBX to pay my atty fees, but the judge has indicated he's not inclined that way. We shall see. I think STBX should pay, his delays, refusal to cooperate with discovery, child abuse, idiocy and NPD have cost me tens of thousands of dollars in atty fees I would never have had to rack up otherwise.

But we already know this judge is no friend of innocent SAHM who have zero prospects of successful reintegration into the workforce.

It's up to the judge. I hope yours likes you.

@kecampbe - don't worry about being the one to file first. That doesn't impact it.

My XWW lied, deceived, and betrayed me. She was the absolute, direct cause of the demise of the marriage and the destruction of our children's family. No dispute about that whatsoever.

I filed for divorce after she was in the second year of her trading sex for flattery with her adultery partner. She quit her job within days after I filed for divorce - probably at the advice of a lawyer.

I ended up being financially black -mailed into paying for ALL HER attorneys fees. The court did not give a shit what it would do to me financially. They really could not care less.

A complete, disgusting injustice. I should not have to pay a cent for her attorney.