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Just a Game

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lucy17 posted 9/29/2013 19:49 PM

Shared with H today about sadness. He wants to know about how I can't see/notice difference..."The biggest difference is I am here for you." Ughhh.
So I shared with him a text conversation he shared with me on July 16 when I was out of town. I had asked him if I could ask him some questions and he had responded with "open and honest- let them rip. I love you." We had a conversation through texting (because my little girl was with me) in which he reassured me and told me he loved me and that he hardly thinks of AP and only to wonder if she is as sad as he for the difficulty she caused to her marriage--doesn't know of course but assumes from last conversation that she is doing everything to reassure him and improve her marriage as he is.
Turns out he was texting her between my texts. I don't see/feel/notice a difference. That was over 2 months ago and as far as I know there has been no further contact. But I worry that I will never know. I have a hard time with the two sides of him. The side he presents to me--the one who is so good at this game and says all the right things and the one who is a maniacal liar asshole. Sometimes I feel like my marriage is just a game to him and I'm not even a main character.

RedRose posted 9/29/2013 20:44 PM

Lucy, WS saying one thing but acting a different way makes R very difficult, doesn't it? For me, WS said all the right things, went to MC, sent flowers, etc, but was still seeing OW the entire time. After this happened twice, it is really difficult to believe that this third time is different. My WS is obviously a skilled liar, so my doubts continue today and likely will for the foreseeable future.

At this point, it doesn't matter what he does now to prove he isn't seeing her anymore, because I find it impossible to let down my wall again.

lucy17 posted 10/1/2013 07:02 AM

He finally admitted that the 2 weeks after D-day with continued contact with AP was not "absolute, complete, no questions asked, closure--the end, no contact." This is important because he was using that excuse as justification for breaking NC (what else can he justify?). In reality, it was him seeking support and assurance because it was hard and he felt like she was the only one who would understand because she did it too (Go Team WS!). In other words, it was a continuation of EA at my expense and at the expense of our marriage. It's like a sigh of relief for him to finally admit that.

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