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My WS said that the only thing he enjoyed about sex was how it made his ego feel. He didn't really like looking at her naked because it was awful. But because she moaned and acted like a pornstsr he felt good. Ow told me sex with my wh was amazing and he lasted forever but WS says it was short and not that great.
I obviously don't believe him:( were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?

I wish I knew. He says it was horrible and he didn't cum. I don't have a clue what to believe and just basically decided to not hold my breath in anything anymore.

Sex can be great for one partner and not so great for the other but....

You can never really know (unless you found video or dated emails) how it really went down. For me just knowing my H had sex with someone else was enough detail.

He won't tell me...I will never know the true story..I sometimes wonder if anyone gets it entirely. I would prob not believe a word the ow said though...

He won't share any of those details with me.

He says he can't remember, but it feels like he just wants to keep it all to himself instead. His own little fantasty -- lived out, and kept a secret forever inside his mind so he can revisit whenever he desires for the rest of our lives.

I want to know everything.

It's not about the sex.

It isn't.

Truly great sex is found in truly great committed relationships.

You don't get that in a cheating relationship.

You do get thrills mentally from the risky behavior and by violating boundaries though. That is why it is capricious, why condoms don't get used, why people do things that you or I just can't fathom.

XH told me how sex w/main OW was way, way better than w/me. Mind you, he was drunk, high & screaming his face off. This was followed by how I was only good for sex & that I sucked in bed.

I know how lousy sex w/XH was the last year+. So ... his great sex w/cum burping whore was prolly ... boring as hell. Other than the delightful, forbidden, cheating on the wifey aspect.

My WH said it wasn't that good because he felt guilty while he was doing it.
On the other hand, I heard him say to the MC at another time that he continued contact with OW because the sex was so good.
It is a big issue for me now.
I feel very insecure in bed.
I have verbalized this to WH, & he says no, its great for him. But that doesn't help, when I am constantly comparing myself to a woman who is much prettier, younger, thinner, & has never had kids. Even last night, during an intimate time, I almost started crying , thinking, did you do this with her, & I'm sure it felt better with her.

were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?

How would anybody really be able to answer that? It seems like you are saying you already know the answer (the sex was great) and if they don't answer that way, they are not being honest.

I don't even believe in lie detector tests for this stuff. You can't know if somebody is being honest about that. Just my two cents.

Everything I know about the act itself,I was told by the AP. WH told me nothing. He confirmed what I was told to be the truth.

I know he has thoughts and feelings about what he did. But he will never share those with me.

Both wxh and whore said that he couldn't get hard, and when he did it wouldn't stay hard.

Whatever.

You know if it wasnt good in one way or the other ( physically or mentally) they wouldnt of kept going back.
But what was keeping them going back is what they have to figure out themselves so they don't repeat the behavior. Just my opinion.
Now my FWS was so ashamed he said he didnt get off. I told his AP that too but she said he did. Haha. I dont care either way just knowing she knew he was so embarrassed of fn her he said that made me laugh.
FWIW if the waywards keep saying blag blah happened I believe sometimes to live with themselves they start to believe that is what happened.

I did not ask and never will. I did not want the gory details of their sex life. I have never had a problem with a guy before, so if he wasn't happy with our sex life, then that is on him. Not Me. I have enough mind movies to last me a lifetime without it. If he thought it was so fantastic then he needed to go be with the OW and not stay with me as far as I am concerned. I can only pray that the OW is sitting around mourning the loss of her love to someone that really didn't care when all was said and done.

Youre never going to know the truth unless you were there or saw a video. Then you still wont be sure one of them wasnt faking it.

I had to beg for sex yet my SO had no problem having sex with other woman.I did not ask the details.

I have no information about anything. Its all denials. It hurts me to consider it. My H was the most amazing lover I could ever imagine. It kills me to think Ow may agree. This was special. Now, its very different. Insecurities for me, doubt, and premature EJ for him. I researched it. Its 99 percent physcological.???? The doubts grow. I dont miss it afterall.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday)]

OW hasn't told me about the sex . . . Because thankfully I don't know her.

DH told me that during the years I was frigid and repressed (I took lots of hurt and anger or on him by being sexually lazy and uninvolved) the A sex was rock star quality.

He also told me (when he was still in the thick of the Affair post DDay - false R) that he and I were far more sexually compatible and I was better in bed than OW.

I believe him on both accounts. What disgusts me the most about the A sex was that he was still having cold, boring sex (but sex, nonetheless) with me.

Gawd I'm at the point where it better have been amazing sex to have risked everything important in your life for.

I don't believe what my WH says, I chose to believe my own version, but I am getting to where it doesn't bother me anymore.

My WH had multiple one night stands (no LTA to my knowledge) and actually said he enjoyed sex with me more because I was more "adventurous" than the others minus his last encounter. Better or worse doesn't make a difference to me; the thought of him having sex with another person sickens me. However, I hope it was worth it to him because he may never have me again...still undecided at this point.

Most people like sex. So it's safe to say it was good when our W's had it with someone else. Add to it the thrill of being new and wrong, and they may think it's incredible.

BUT in the end it's still a P going into a V. Not exactly something new. So when it comes to how our W's saw it, I actually believe in the end, most of them realize after it's all done, out in the open, and the novilty has worn off, it was cheap and just what I wrote: a P going into a V.

When we throw love and commitement, history and family, marriage and real life into the mix, the sex we have with our W's tops anything they had with their cheap AP.