Topic: Sex with ap
Member # 40358
| Posted: 8:51 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013|
My WS said that the only thing he enjoyed about sex was how it made his ego feel. He didn't really like looking at her naked because it was awful. But because she moaned and acted like a pornstsr he felt good. Ow told me sex with my wh was amazing and he lasted forever but WS says it was short and not that great.
I obviously don't believe him:( were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?
Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
My life is shattered unsure about R
Posts: 142 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Member # 29358
| Posted: 9:40 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013|
I wish I knew. He says it was horrible and he didn't cum. I don't have a clue what to believe and just basically decided to not hold my breath in anything anymore.
Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!
DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA
Posts: 1093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 23769
| Posted: 12:19 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Sex can be great for one partner and not so great for the other but....
You can never really know (unless you found video or dated emails) how it really went down. For me just knowing my H had sex with someone else was enough detail.
Married 1998. 2 kids. First discovery 3/2009. Multiple affairs, porn addiction. one failed attempt at R. Nested for over a year. XH now lives w/GF. Divorce final summer of 2015.
Posts: 3315 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 34827
| Posted: 12:36 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
He won't tell me...I will never know the true story..I sometimes wonder if anyone gets it entirely. I would prob not believe a word the ow said though...
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5737 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 39858
| Posted: 2:20 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
He won't share any of those details with me.
He says he can't remember, but it feels like he just wants to keep it all to himself instead. His own little fantasty -- lived out, and kept a secret forever inside his mind so he can revisit whenever he desires for the rest of our lives.
I want to know everything.
BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 15 years, 3 children
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.
Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 34689
| Posted: 4:07 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
It's not about the sex.
Truly great sex is found in truly great committed relationships.
You don't get that in a cheating relationship.
You do get thrills mentally from the risky behavior and by violating boundaries though. That is why it is capricious, why condoms don't get used, why people do things that you or I just can't fathom.
BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.
Posts: 1149 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Member # 33523
| Posted: 5:00 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be
Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City
Member # 37735
| Posted: 6:47 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
My WH said it wasn't that good because he felt guilty while he was doing it.
On the other hand, I heard him say to the MC at another time that he continued contact with OW because the sex was so good.
It is a big issue for me now.
I feel very insecure in bed.
I have verbalized this to WH, & he says no, its great for him. But that doesn't help, when I am constantly comparing myself to a woman who is much prettier, younger, thinner, & has never had kids. Even last night, during an intimate time, I almost started crying , thinking, did you do this with her, & I'm sure it felt better with her.
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 27 years/Together 28+ years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
Posts: 2354 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 10347
| Posted: 6:50 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?
How would anybody really be able to answer that? It seems like you are saying you already know the answer (the sex was great) and if they don't answer that way, they are not being honest.
I don't even believe in lie detector tests for this stuff. You can't know if somebody is being honest about that. Just my two cents.
Posts: 6526 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 30826
| Posted: 6:51 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Everything I know about the act itself,I was told by the AP. WH told me nothing. He confirmed what I was told to be the truth.
I know he has thoughts and feelings about what he did. But he will never share those with me.
M: June 2001
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Posts: 15214 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 22870
| Posted: 7:21 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Both wxh and whore said that he couldn't get hard, and when he did it wouldn't stay hard.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 9074 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 26465
| Posted: 7:52 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
You know if it wasnt good in one way or the other ( physically or mentally) they wouldnt of kept going back.
But what was keeping them going back is what they have to figure out themselves so they don't repeat the behavior. Just my opinion.
Now my FWS was so ashamed he said he didnt get off. I told his AP that too but she said he did. Haha. I dont care either way just knowing she knew he was so embarrassed of fn her he said that made me laugh.
FWIW if the waywards keep saying blag blah happened I believe sometimes to live with themselves they start to believe that is what happened.
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
Posts: 3222 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 36654
| Posted: 10:49 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
I did not ask and never will. I did not want the gory details of their sex life. I have never had a problem with a guy before, so if he wasn't happy with our sex life, then that is on him. Not Me. I have enough mind movies to last me a lifetime without it. If he thought it was so fantastic then he needed to go be with the OW and not stay with me as far as I am concerned. I can only pray that the OW is sitting around mourning the loss of her love to someone that really didn't care when all was said and done.
BS-54 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
Posts: 8175 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 16305
| Posted: 11:21 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Youre never going to know the truth unless you were there or saw a video. Then you still wont be sure one of them wasnt faking it.
Time to be my own bff.
Posts: 9311 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: NJ
Member # 40800
| Posted: 11:23 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
I had to beg for sex yet my SO had no problem having sex with other woman.I did not ask the details.
Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Michigan
Member # 28156
| Posted: 3:54 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
I have no information about anything. Its all denials. It hurts me to consider it. My H was the most amazing lover I could ever imagine. It kills me to think Ow may agree. This was special. Now, its very different. Insecurities for me, doubt, and premature EJ for him. I researched it. Its 99 percent physcological.???? The doubts grow. I dont miss it afterall.
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 2712 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 40624
| Posted: 4:02 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
OW hasn't told me about the sex . . . Because thankfully I don't know her.
DH told me that during the years I was frigid and repressed (I took lots of hurt and anger or on him by being sexually lazy and uninvolved) the A sex was rock star quality.
He also told me (when he was still in the thick of the Affair post DDay - false R) that he and I were far more sexually compatible and I was better in bed than OW.
I believe him on both accounts. What disgusts me the most about the A sex was that he was still having cold, boring sex (but sex, nonetheless) with me.
BW - 44 - SAHM
WH - 45 - 3 year LTA
Blended family - 2 school aged "ours" children left at home.
DDay (which one?) all in 2013
Reconciling - as best we can
Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Southwest US (Tucson)
Member # 35215
| Posted: 4:04 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Gawd I'm at the point where it better have been amazing sex to have risked everything important in your life for.
I don't believe what my WH says, I chose to believe my own version, but I am getting to where it doesn't bother me anymore.
BS/FWS (me):43 Madhatter
WS/BS:46 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 15
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."
Posts: 3905 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 39712
| Posted: 4:13 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
My WH had multiple one night stands (no LTA to my knowledge) and actually said he enjoyed sex with me more because I was more "adventurous" than the others minus his last encounter. Better or worse doesn't make a difference to me; the thought of him having sex with another person sickens me. However, I hope it was worth it to him because he may never have me again...still undecided at this point.
Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)
Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 39652
| Posted: 4:22 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013|
Most people like sex. So it's safe to say it was good when our W's had it with someone else. Add to it the thrill of being new and wrong, and they may think it's incredible.
BUT in the end it's still a P going into a V. Not exactly something new. So when it comes to how our W's saw it, I actually believe in the end, most of them realize after it's all done, out in the open, and the novilty has worn off, it was cheap and just what I wrote: a P going into a V.
When we throw love and commitement, history and family, marriage and real life into the mix, the sex we have with our W's tops anything they had with their cheap AP.
I've been a BW and a BGF. Dealt with adultery, physical and emotional abuse, and sex addiction.
Today, I'm a 49 year old woman who's trying to be happy and live my life with a loving heart and hope 😊
Posts: 947 | Registered: Jun 2013
|Topic Posts: 23|