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Newest Member: RoreverBlue (61146)

User Topic: this stuff runs deep
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyone else find that wayward stuff permeates other parts of your life?
I was cleaning out my closet the other day and was floored, guiltridden and saddened by the amount of clothing I have. Seriously, how much does one person need? How much money needs to be thrown to the wind so I can get my little high of having all this shit. Or wearing it. Once.
I sat on the floor and cried, it was like a mountainous monument of the fact that I need to grow up.
Sure I could give it away and feel better but WTF? Why do I have it in the first place... the reasons are not good. not good at all...
But a place to start looking, I guess.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Darkness Falls
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My job is blue-collar and requires a uniform. I own far more clothes than I'd ever hope to use during my 1 1/2 days off per week.

I've never thought of it in connection with wayward processes before. I do know that I can use shopping and acquiring as a means to feel better about things. I always figured as long as I also save and pay my bills, it's all good. But there probably are more valuable things I could do with my time and money.

[This message edited by heartbroken0903 at 9:40 AM, September 30th (Monday)]


WS, 5-month EA/PA '09-'10

Divorced from (2010) and remarried to (2014) XBH

1 1/2-year-old daughter and another baby girl on the way


Posts: 4401 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc,

Do you remember a post that UO did quite awhile back about our wayward thought processes applying to way more than just infidelity?


Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

Posts: 7444 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Inside my head
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that rings a bell, TG... it just shows up in places I didn't really consider before...
makes you think that you need to take a look at EVERYTHING...

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
wert
♂ 34478
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know at some point I stopped caring so much about my W's A and infidelity and more just about her own messed up internal dialog and coping skills. It was an empathy thing I think coming from a BS, but I think it is relevant here...

Rachelc - you have been at this stuff long enough where IMO you need to work on stepping back from your A and look more closely at how YOU operate. This journey is about a healthy you, not about your A. IMO for a WS A's are just the symptom...That was pretty hard to accept at a BS, but I think that is the heart of the matter....

take care...



Posts: 1517 | Registered: Jan 2012
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

look more closely at how YOU operate

This, I started getting healthy the minute I told HL I was putting fixing me on the front burner because until that happened nothing else was going to work.


Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

Posts: 7444 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Inside my head
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

look more closely at how YOU operate.

well, I think that's what I'm doing, from my post.. looking at other ways I get my highs, and realizing that some of those things are screwed up..


Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
NewWorldMan
♂ 33607
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you posted this because I have realized thru this site that my coping skills have always been awful. I put so much pressure on myself to be the bread winner and making sure my family was taken care of that I acted out as a way of coping. Throughout my career, I have always felt I was in way over my head, and basically was just applying the "fake it till you make it" philosophy.

As a kid, I used to suffer from frequent panic attacks. I had a hard time dealing with stress. I still do. I can't seem to face it head on.

As a result, I coped over the years by drinking, going to way too many concerts, cheating, immersing myself in sports, spending too much money.

I could go on and on.

Thanks for reminding me to keep myself in check and face my problems, handle stress in a better way, and be mindful of how this behavior got me in trouble in the first place.


Me: FWS 46

Divorced


Posts: 445 | Registered: Oct 2011
MissesJai
♀ 24849
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can absolutely relate - in so many ways.
looking at other ways I get my highs, and realizing that some of those things are screwed up.
Yep - but they can all be fixed.


MH - 43
Separated..
Nothing left to give....
"She is clothed with strenth & dignity and she laughs without fear of the future." #BlackLivesMatter

Posts: 7447 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 9

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