Please go to your doctor and tell all. Doctors have heard way way worse things and they know how to help.
You may need something to help you sleep or a temporary anti-depressant.
The affair is not your fault. Your wife had a million honorable options if she wasn't feeling fulfilled in your marriage. She chose to betray you. That's on her.
She needs counseling to figure out what's broken inside her that she would deceive the person she vowed to honor and cherish.
For now, shut her out and focus on your needs. You need support, sleep, and professional help.
Keep posting and please call your doctor, or a counselor for you.
It is not your fault. We are all human---nobody is a perfect supermodel. You & your WW were each 50% responsible for the health of your marriage, but it is 100% her decision to cheat. Nobody held a gun to her head & forced her. She did it because of something broken inside of her, not you. I know you don't believe that right now, but try to file that thought away for now.
We all know how you feel, we have all felt this way. I hope you will read the Healing Library on this site, it will help you.
Second marriage... second time betrayed. I just can't do this again.
Me too. And there are a few others on this site who have had to go thru this in more than one relationship.
Of course I thought
"Maybe there's something wrong with me, that both of my spouses did this to me."
Again, please read the Healing library.
I am assuming that you are not eating or sleeping right now, & can not stop the obsessive thoughts---as happened to all of us. Please go to your doctor TODAY and discuss this with him/her. You should probably go on antidepressants, & maybe take a sleeping pill at night, to help you get thru the next few months.
If you can, start going to IC, it has helped me a lot.
Keep reading & posting on here, we know how you feel.
Go pick up the phone now & call the doctor & insist that they squeeze you in for an appt. today.
Sending you strength.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:00 AM, September 30th (Monday)]
If you are feeling suicidal, I BEG YOU to contact a help hotline and talk to someone in real life!!! You are a special person and you have children who need and love you. Please know that the pain you are feeling now will not last forever. It will pass as time goes by and you process all of your emotions regarding the betrayal.
You are new here and there's not much to go on in your story, but I want you to know this truth, *IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT* that your wife betrayed you. She had other choices, and this is what she chose to do. Do not let her blame you for *HER* actions!
SI is a wonderful place and you will find support and healing here. We all understand your pain. Peace.
If your WS isn't blaming you and you are blaming you, I ask why? Did she come to you and tell you all of these things were bothering you? Did she tell you if you don't change I will cheat? Did she tell you she was very unhappy and wanted to go seek counselling and you refused? Why do you blame yourself?
Try to be gentle with yourself. You have just found out your WS has strayed. You are going to pass through hell and then just when you think you are out of it, you will get pulled back in. But you will get through it to the other side. We are all examples of getting through it. Some of us are in earlier stages, some of us are in Reconciliation mode, and some of us are in limbo and some of us are just numb. You will find yourself in one or more categories as this journey unfolds. But no matter where you are in the journey, you are not alone. Someone here, guaranteed is at the same place as you.
So please, reach out, and keep reaching out. WE all get it. We all understand...
In short, it's Cheater 101. If she was unhappy, she had many many grown-up, morally upstanding ways to deal with it. Instead, she cheated.
So please, please get some support, ideally people who tell you what a great, wonderful, loving guy you are, and how you DESERVE to have somone appreciate YOU.
I'm so sorry
They have to in their minds make us this horrid evil person. Because that gives them permission to do their horrid deed. In their sick minds it counterbalances it sick huh???
Sooo don't let her drag you down in that freakin pit with her!!!
Now go to the doctor first tell him how you are feeling.
Then you schedule yourself a consult with a counselor..
Then you go to the local gym and sign yourself up. Not for anything big just to exercise daily!! Drink water lots of water and take some vitamins too...
You come here and talk to us ok. In a year I promise you you will be thankful you stayed here on this earth to hug those special babies you have!
Because I didn't need him and was too sorted because I'd lost all this weight and got fit and he felt belittled
Blah blah blah
They attack because they know they've done wrong around dday. Whatever excuse comes to mind. If she continues with that rubbish then R cannot happen.
I feel for you
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
It WILL get better. We all know it! I know it's been said already, but IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!
You are worthy of love, respect, and caring. Please find a friend in real life that you can talk to and who can hug you and support you. We are all here at SI to listen also.
Remember your kids need their dad too. Try to sleep, eat, and stay hydrated. Find a little joy in the smallest of things. I hope you can find your inner strength and calm. It is there!!!! So sorry you are going through this (again)!!!!!
This is the third ralationship where someone chose to cheat on me. I learned that to get through it, I needed to take back my value. I had allowed them to influence how I felt about myself. Once I realized my self worth had nothing to do with them, I started respecting myself again.
Please take care...
*** Sex addiction is very real. I finally saw it first hand***