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2married2quit posted 9/30/2013 10:36 AM

So we had another weekend from hell. She gets depressed on Friday's (that's been the trend) and the weekend just goes to hell. Partly is what she's dealing with, the other part is the finances as I've had a hard time finding full time work and the business is failing. Had two deals cancel last minute. :(

So my son sat with me on Friday and said "Dad, I look up to you. You are NOT a failure. I don't care what mother thinks. I want you to be happy again. She doesn't appreciate all your efforts. You've done so much to keep this marriage together. But you're not happy. You are stronger than anyone I know. She needs to be scared into appreciating what she has." This from my teenage son. So it opened my eyes to what some people have been telling me since last year.

Perhaps it has taken me 1yr 4 months to understand, to wake up or to mourn the relationship to finally make a stand and get up from the ashes. On Sunday, I got out of bed, cooked breakfast, watched some Joel Olsteen and felt it was time to let go of the past. Not dwell on the pain, not dwell on the wronging that was done to me. Not dwell on her lack of moving forward and her state of limbo. Not wait for that huge reward that will justify it all. Not to blame myself anymore. But to stand for myself. To be the leader of the home that I've always been, but better. To lead my children, be their father, friend and spiritual guide. To have more faith again and to feel positive about life. To look for a job that I'll feel passionate about or to become the best businessman I can be with my business/passion.

It's going to be a daily struggle. Just today I caught myself getting negative thoughts. So I changed them. Caught myself running to my 2012 calendar to see what was happening a year ago today. I felt the pain as I opened it, but quickly closed it and put it away. Found myself wanting to feel sad and cry...I stopped. There's still a hole in my heart and my anxiety is dying to kick in, but I want to fight this. I want to get up and be strong again.

I post this because many of you have encouraged me to make this step and I haven't been able to. I think today is the day. I also post this to inspire others. There is not big prize that will make the wronging that was done to you go away, but you can become the prize. What you do with yourself. I'm learning that now and I know my wife will probably wake up and see that she's wronged a man that she should be crazily in love with and fighting along side with.

Pray for me.

rachelc posted 9/30/2013 10:49 AM

awesome post! and out of the mouths of babes: Dad, I look up to you. You are NOT a failure. I don't care what mother thinks. I want you to be happy again. She doesn't appreciate all your efforts. You've done so much to keep this marriage together. But you're not happy. You are stronger than anyone I know. She needs to be scared into appreciating what she has

[This message edited by rachelc at 10:49 AM, September 30th (Monday)]

WeHadItAll posted 9/30/2013 11:00 AM

Thanks so much for that post, 2M2Q. It's late over here on my side of the planet, and I could stay up late into the night, worrying and being angry and digging... but it won't help. I've been down this path before and I know where it leads. To a crappy morning and the start of a new downward spiral.

I know exactly what I need in order to feel better: good sleep, lots of water, healthy food, exercise, sunshine, a productive day of work, social interaction. And yet today, like so many days, I did none of that... except getting on SI forums. Which actually helped because tomorrow is a new day and I want to meet it the way you are meeting yours. It's been a hell of a weekend over here too, but tomorrow is a clean slate.

Thanks for the reminder.

AFrayedKnot posted 9/30/2013 11:02 AM

YES!!!!

Have a wonderful day, my friend

2married2quit posted 9/30/2013 14:19 PM

WeHadItAll - I really think it's about thought replacement. Sure, there is no room for rug-sweeping or un-dealt with issues, but there's some suffering that you're gonna have to put your foot down and stop it. I was killing myself. I still have a tendency to continue. I struggle.

iwillNOT posted 9/30/2013 15:40 PM

Thank you for posting this, I needed to read about new possibilities. Many blessings on your new day

topperoff22 posted 9/30/2013 16:10 PM

A great positive post. I've had a bit of a wake up call today too. I'm not going to wallow anymore. Life is moving on and I'm moving with it. Whether he wants to be there or not. He's not going to be honest with me so.fine....my life won't stop...who knows what the future holds.

topperoff22 posted 9/30/2013 16:10 PM

A great positive post. I've had a bit of a wake up call today too. I'm not going to wallow anymore. Life is moving on and I'm moving with it. Whether he wants to be there or not. He's not going to be honest with me so.fine....my life won't stop...who knows what the future holds.

2married2quit posted 10/1/2013 13:08 PM

I've got to admit, it's not easy. Today I woke up with anxiety and sometimes I just don't want to be sweet with her, but at the same time I need her.

I do feel good about taking steps forward and working on myself and my thought pattern. It's easy to fall back on the hurt. It's a horribly comfy place, but not one anyone should allow themselves to stay in. All I know is that I have to take it one day at a time.

Fear, yes, I still have some. Hurt, duh! But I have to cure. With or without her. Gotta do it for me, for my children and for the sake of being alive and enjoying life.

pray for me.

2married2quit posted 10/15/2013 11:16 AM

Still surviving. Funny how I'm kinda leaving FWW behind in recover. Amazing what you can do for yourself when you put your mind to it. She can't even do this for herself other than compartmentalizing.

hdhs3 posted 10/15/2013 11:29 AM

Fabulous!!! Seems like its just what we all needed to hear - almost prophetic!! Tx for your post and good luck!!!

Bikingguy posted 10/15/2013 11:54 AM

Your son rocks! Is WW his mom? To be able to have that kind of perspective at a young age is amazing. You are raising a great kid! Spend the day with him. Sounds like he will appreciate it way more.

Skan posted 10/15/2013 14:57 PM

I'm so happy for you. You take care of YOURSELF!

heartache101 posted 10/15/2013 18:33 PM

Isnt it amazing how that light just switched on! Kids are everything!
Keep going forward!

Teach8 posted 10/15/2013 18:54 PM

I'm rooting for you 2m2q. :) And I need to take a page out of your book. Haven't had an upswing on the coaster for a while. I'm stuck in the dreaded plain of lethal flatness at the moment...but your post makes me smile...and gives me hope.

karmahappens posted 10/15/2013 18:57 PM

"Dad, I look up to you. You are NOT a failure. I don't care what mother thinks. I want you to be happy again. She doesn't appreciate all your efforts. You've done so much to keep this marriage together. But you're not happy. You are stronger than anyone I know. She needs to be scared into appreciating what she has."

Sometimes we need to listen to what others tell us and see ourselves through their eyes.

Kudos to your son for recognizing you and your efforts.

I hope you continue to do for you through this, you will get there and you will be ok.

Your wife will find her own way, be it an authentic, honest path or a rug-sweeping stick-her head in the sand life...her choice.

You deserve to be happy, I hope you continue to find it!

2married2quit posted 10/16/2013 07:55 AM

Still trying. I tell'ya, when you try to put away the pain, it becomes a habit that you don't want to let go of. I took the infidelity tour yesterday. And although it hurt, I finally realized she did all of this and she's paying for it with her own guilt and shame. It wasn't worth one bit of it. It was pure stupidity.

LA44 posted 10/16/2013 08:31 AM

2m2q, wonderful post and wonderful son.

Good for you for identifying when you were sliding into negative thoughts and habits and changing them around. It is such a fight. But you got this and isn't it amazing that your son has your back, too.

You have my prayers.

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