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180 help please

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anemie posted 9/30/2013 12:05 PM

So I started doing the 180 yesterday for my own sanity, what do I say when he questions why I'm not arguing? He is trying to bait me, he made a stupid comment about getting our son a 4wheeler which I always say no. I just said ok. He asked why I'm not arguing who the hell am I? I just said there is no point in wastingy energy arguing, as long as he wears a helmet and pads I'm ok with it. And then he starts arguing that our son doesn't need pads. He doesn't believe that he's just starting an argument for no reason. What do I say? I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

fourever posted 9/30/2013 12:21 PM

Anemie,
Why after this long are you doing 180? Are the two of you in any better shape from a year ago?
I don't know your back story, so just asking.
The 180 is for you, and by all means, you should do it if it empowers you. Don't be passive however, about your child's safety. Just say no and leave it at that. Don't cave because he's worn you down.
Are you happy? Does he bait you constantly? Is he helping you recover from his crap at all?

anemie posted 9/30/2013 13:01 PM

We were doing great till I was hit with postpartum depression. He thinks that I'm depressed because of him and the infidelity. He is having a lot of self loathing, I couldn't get through to him that it had nothing to do with him and I realized I was literally crying and begging him to stay together. That's why I decided to try the 180, I need to be back to myself, not some weak, teary eyed child. And as far as safety he is only saying it to get a rise out of me, he would let any of the children out without safety gear, he's the first to jump up and make sure they are wearing helmets while riding bikes. He seems to be getting very annoyed that I won't argue with him.

tired girl posted 9/30/2013 14:36 PM

Have you seen a Dr.?

anemie posted 9/30/2013 15:35 PM

I have, I'm also on Prozac. Having this baby has been incredibly stressful. I had a cesarean, the incision got infected at two weeks postpartum so it's been 9 weeks of weekly hospital visits, daily visiting nurse and loads of medications, it's enough to cause strain on a perfect marriage. And just as it was getting better the infection came back and I had to start another round of antibiotics over the weekend.

fourever posted 9/30/2013 15:52 PM

OK, That helps a lot. You are both handling this unproductively. (MHO).
You definitely need to see a Dr. And you both need MC to learn how to communicate with each other.
Most insurances pay for that either in or out of network, so check into yours, please.
PPDep. is very real, and add to that the feelings you are experiencing from your H's infidelity, a double whammy.
That does not mean he gets a pass. He needs to step up, and help you with this, all of it. He needs to understand this.
Ask your Dr's for recommendations, and you will find the right person to help you. You will know it, (there are some idiots out there!)
Your children and baby need you, all of you, and you sound to me like you just need a little help and guidance getting back to a good place, and him too.
He needs to quit the self pity party, he brought this on your family. Now he needs to step up and work his tail off to make you feel safe in your marriage.

(Side note, My fwh still feels like crap for what he did to us, but he works so hard to make me safe and trusting towards him. He saves the pity (guilt) for him, not me.) At some point, they need to forgive themselves, but we are to be their first concerns.

fourever posted 9/30/2013 15:56 PM

Sorry, we cross posted. Ask your Dr. about perhaps changing your dosage, and some rec's on who to talk with.
It will help a lot, even if you just do it a little while.

Right now, just enjoy that new baby smell!! Let that be your motivation.
XO

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