13 years ago today I walked down the aisle to what I thought was a great future. I thought we knew each other, had the same interests, wanted the same things. I thought I married my best friend.
I supported him the best way I knew how. When he wanted to start his own business I told him I could handle the billing/customer service and I could help find new clients. He equaled that to me being controlling. He needed money from time to time because he was short. He equaled that to having another another bank account he could tap into. I also helped him get his first office job. Just to name a few examples.
Now that's all changed because he chose to cheat and not work on any of it. He shut me out in all aspects of his life. For years after Dday I tried to work on things. I tried to talk with him, find the answers I needed and work passed this to a better relationship and to a future. That never happened. He resisted at all cost.
Last week (some of you may remember my snooping post) I had the opportunity to check his Ipad and computer. I received great advice from many of you on either side of issue of checking on him. In the end, I decided not to. I have a little regret about not checking on him, but when I think about it, it's not worth it anymore. What would it have given me? It would have settled my suspicions that he was up to something (I already knew that since he signed onto AFF the last week of August). It would have given me more evidence to add to the stack that I already have, but that's it. I know it wouldn't have changed anything. It just doesn't matter any more.
He talks about me and our son behind our backs to his friend. He is awesome at playing the victim and making me look I don't do anything. He even told one of his friends that he's "waiting for me to step-up."
I do have many blessings in my life. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table. Most important, I have two wonderful, happy and healthy children. The other blessing that I have, as odd as it may seem, is that I know I tried.
I gave it my best. That's all I can really say, I gave it my best.