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bluelightshine posted 9/30/2013 14:18 PM

My soon to be exwh has completely changed his tune. He left our children and I, 1 year ago for OW. We were married for 10 years with 2 kids. It was brutal. He tried to take my kids a couple of weeks after he left and has been quite cruel. I filed for divorce mostly to protect me and the kids. I went as much NC as possible and have been doing my best to move on. He left OW for a couple of days, went back and last month after we tried mediation left her again and this time got his own place. He dropped off the kids yesterday and told me how sorry he was and that he has been a douch bag to everyone for the last year and that it was the worst mistake of his life. He said he would like to at least be friends and he knows he can't go back and change anything. He has our dogs and mentioned that our dogs miss me. Started bringing up memories and things of the past. This opened so many emotional doors for me. My kids were so happy to see us talking, It hurt. He told me he is done fighting and he doesn't want to take anything I need. He has hinted he may want to reconcile. I'm so confused and wondering if it even can be fixed? Is this a trick? I'm asking on Reconciliation because I want to know has anyone been able to fix something like this? What are the positives, what are the negatives? Should I even be thinking about this?

StillGoing posted 9/30/2013 14:27 PM

I don't think those actions speak volumes when it comes to making an effort at reparations, it just sounds like he got his ass beat by life and is hoping you'll pick him up off the floor.

sisoon posted 9/30/2013 17:19 PM

Unless he asks for something directly, I'd attribute it to manipulation.

If he asks directly for a delay in the D and/or for an attempt to R, his change may be real and positive.

But he needs to address issues directly and courageously. He needs to take the risk of being rejected.

And even if he looks like really good candidate for R, you can say 'No,' and hold your head high. You don't need to give him another chance.

bluelightshine posted 9/30/2013 18:02 PM

I think I agree with both of you. After giving it more thought I still need to protect myself and my children. Will have to wait and see, what happens I guess. It amazes me that I still have so many emotions for him. To my surprise there is still a part of me that wants to reconcile. I think he would like me to take charge and fix things though and I guess he really is the one who needs to do that. Thanks for the comments. Really appreciate the info.

mixedintherut posted 9/30/2013 19:13 PM

I can completely understand what ayou are going through. My full story is in my profile.

I wish I had this site before I gave WH his second chance!

There are people who R even after D. It can be done, so long as you are both doing the work.

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