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caring about work / productivity, 16 months out

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ProbableIceCream posted 9/30/2013 15:30 PM

Last year after d-day and then a couple months of first being too anxious to really focus and then being too depressed to be very productive, I threw myself into my work quite a bit. And apparently I did pretty well. After about a year of this, I'm finding it hard to care about work. Stuff that I usually enjoy just doesn't do it for me any more. I feel preoccupied. This is also around when I started feeling the loneliness again (it was sort of numb before that).

I realize this sounds like classic depression... I just miss being able to care about certain things. this has been going on for at least three weeks now. :(

(I have a psychiatrist, and a therapist, and I'm doing some stress management stuff, and notably, will be going back to running starting today hopefully.)

I am doing okay productivity wise. Not getting negative feedback. But I miss being able to go the extra mile and do really well, and not just sort of slog through the day.

jo2love posted 9/30/2013 21:21 PM

(((ProbableIceCream)))

Is it possible that when you threw yourself into work, you didn't fully work through your emotions from d-day? Please let your dr know how you feel. I'm glad you are getting back into running. Are there other fun activities you used to do?

homewrecked2011 posted 9/30/2013 21:25 PM

It's almost 2 years from Dday for me. I also have been in a REALLY low place, with just no enthusiam for anything.

Dr, put me on antidep (zoloft). I'm not sure how long I need to stay on them, but within 2 weeks I was optimistic again-- like I was 20 years ago!

ProbableIceCream posted 9/30/2013 21:42 PM

I'll definitely mention it. I honestly don't know what's been going on with feelings. I've had a _lot_ of them through the entire process, but maybe getting them out ground to a halt at some point? I felt kind of a eerie sense of peace after the separation, and that lasted a long time until this recent thing.

I'm already on an antidepressant which has helped quite a bit, but yes, I'll mention what's been going on.

Fun activities. I always used to cringe when people asked me that because to be honest everything I did was pretty much either work, or messing around on the computer, or running, or watching movies, or reading. Stuff like that. Not a lot of active things.

Lately I've been going on outings with my daughter, doing a lot more social stuff (three things in the past week).. but I need to find a hobby I suppose. I used to play the piano pretty well and I still have a keyboard. I don't know if I have it in me to do that right now.

I also used to like to take pictures, and I still do that a lot with my phone, but it's not the same as having a real camera. I know a guy who's really into photography, so maybe I could get some tips on catching up with the gear.

It's funny.. work is stuff I've always enjoyed doing.. it's really hard to tell depression apart from just being tired of things and needing a change.

ProbableIceCream posted 9/30/2013 22:00 PM

i was also thinking...

earlier this year, i had to replace my car with very little notice, so i spent about 9 days intensively doing that to avoid burning a lot of rental car money. i was still working during the time but i was very preoccupied.

so then my attention sorta drifted back to work, but then i started getting into more and more social stuff, and as i did that i found my feelings, mostly loneliness, drifting back. and most recently, i inadvertently developed feelings for someone i didn't want to, and i only in the past two or three days got to the point where i don't feel attached to her. (i had posted a question about this here, and the advice was to back off, which i did.)

so maybe i'm just going through a bit of a roller coaster...

also some of the social things have messed with my sleep a bit, but i'm also backing off from that somewhat and trying to have good sleep hygiene for a while.

jo2love posted 9/30/2013 22:02 PM

messing around on the computer, or running, or watching movies, or reading

If you enjoy doing them, then I think they count as activities. It's whatever is fun to you. Maybe you and your daughter can take up photography together. If she is too little, then maybe she could point out what to take pics of while walking through a park.

It sounds like you are making good decisions on taking care of yourself. It's normal for the lonely to sneak in sometimes. Although, knowing it's normal doesn't make it any easier. Please remember, that feeling won't last forever. Plus we are always here to lean on.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:05 PM, September 30th (Monday)]

ProbableIceCream posted 10/1/2013 19:58 PM

My mood's not good, but a _lot_ better today. May have helped that I went jogging yesterday. I got a really cool thing done at work. So that's something.

jo2love posted 10/1/2013 21:25 PM

That's great! I'm glad today was better. One day at a time, right?

NaiveAgain posted 10/1/2013 22:10 PM

i inadvertently developed feelings for someone i didn't want to, and i only in the past two or three days got to the point where i don't feel attached to her. (i had posted a question about this here, and the advice was to back off, which i did
And you also may be grieving just a little bit for the loss of what you had hoped would happen with this person. If you felt an attachment and had to give up that attachment, that counts as a loss. It is normal to be a bit depressed when we lose something.....

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