What they talked about all the time on he texting and calls.
Who suggested the sex the first time, or if I go by his story, the one and only time.
What he said about me (he claims nothing).
IF there was any guilt after the sex (I know there wasn't on her part...she's a bitch. I've been following her on Google Plus lately)
Honestly...I'm not sure I can take much more information. I'm falling apart either way.
I don't know what to do anymore. HE says he's told me everything but I know he hasn't.
I found out there was a LOT more. You can't heal from stuff you don't even know about. I'm not sure where me and my husband are going to end up yet but I can tell you that getting the whole story has hurt more in the short but been such a difference in the long.
He is afraid to be honest with you because he is being selfish and trying to protect himself from further pain and humiliation. He doesnt want to have to go through the process of facing the consequences of your reaction to the truth.
My wife was the same. My IC told me that I would never know "everything". Even if she shared all the facts she could remember I wouldn't know what she was feeling at the moment they were doing it, how many times they kissed (it was over a 6 month period), everything they told each other, etc. He suggested that I accept that I would never know every detail but that I knew enough. I knew they had sex more than once, I knew she enjoyed it, I knew that she believed she was in love with him.
The underlying truth is - you were betrayed, you know that. The question you have to answer for yourself is -what do you want to do now, knowing that you were betrayed? Do you want to attempt to reconcile? If he is now NC with the AP, and if he is remorseful, and if he is empathic to your pain, and if he's willing to work with you on addressing issues within the marriage, and willing to work on issues he may have, then, at least, you have the viable hope of reconciliation and healing. Can you reconcile without knowing "everything" - yes you can. I did and most on this board have, because you will never get the entire story (maybe it happens, but it is rare).
My IC told me that I would never know "everything".
Just know that what they were saying to each other in person or via text was nothing but lies.
They weren't capable of having a honest conversation because they were too busy living in a fantasy land built on lies they both told each other and believed.
Secret, fun, thrilling...
Not reality, life, bills, kids, family, etc.
He hasn't told you everything but how much more do you really need to know? You know he cheated, you know he lied even after Dday #1 so what more do you need to know?
Remember this...once you do know something you can't unknow it...
Is he at all remorseful? Willing to do IC?
Yes, she may be a bitch but she isn't your focus. She isn't the one you took vows with, your husband is the one who broke your heart and your trust. Is the OW married? If so, tell her BH. He deserves to know.
Look to examine your WH actions and follow your instincts.
We are all here for you. Prayers.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:36 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]