SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

clueless68 posted 9/30/2013 19:51 PM

My partner and I have been together 15 years. I used to joke that it was equivalent to XX number in straight years. The fact of the matter is, in this day and age 15 years is a long commitment for any two people.
Anyways, this past Friday night I was updating his iphone as I had just purchased us new phones. I came across some apps that I hadn't seen or knew about. He was next to me on the couch so I couldn't dig too much then. I woke up the next morning before him and started going through his phone and these apps. Several communications that didn't seem to go any where, then bingo. One where a meeting was planned, at my house no less. I immediately went into the bedroom and woke his ass up to confront him. He initially tried to blame me....I wasn't having it.
After a lot of back and forth. I hit a point where I was done and told him to leave the house ( I'm off Saturday, he works) go to work early get out of my sight, don't talk to me. I went to a diner to calm down. He texted me that he had left the house. Through another couple of texts it comes out that this wasn't the first time....it actually occurred three times. (I think there are more, but he is afraid to tell.). They were different people all ONS. I have an appointment tomorrow for bloodwork. I don't know what to do. He has made an appointment for counseling for himself. He has offered to do a tracking app on his phone. He says I can have full access to his cell, email, and computer. I told him that meant nothing because he could just sign in under different accounts. He appears to be very remorseful. Saying all the right things. I just don't know what I want to do. The rollercoaster is in full effect and I feel like I'm going crazy.
I have gone through the library and through most of the articles.
I'm so pissed and I feel like such a cliche. I'm trying to give myself time, it has only been three days, but his maddening!

headdesk posted 9/30/2013 20:06 PM

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Take time to look after yourself. Everyone has their own limits.

I agree that you can't just have access to current things - it doesn't stop them from getting a new phone or communicating in a way/place you don't have access to. The only thing that can stop them is if they want to stop.

I hope on top of this you don't have to put up with the stupid bigoted stereotypes that people throw around to boot (seen that happen with my mom - ick). Hugs.

positively4thst posted 9/30/2013 20:33 PM

Sorry you are going through this. See if you can figure out the impetus for his behavior. Maybe he's looking to establish the next relationship before he leaves you, or maybe who knows what his reasoning was and maybe he doesn't actually want to leave you. Not condoning it either way, just wondering how to make sense of it.

Again, sorry you're here. Sucks to be us at these times but there are better days ahead, single or not!

thisissogross posted 9/30/2013 21:54 PM

Sorry you're dealing with this ((clueless)) I know what you mean about feeling antsy about making a decision. I don't have great advice on that, other than try to remind yourself you really can take as long as you need to make a decision. This may sound weird, but, remember to drink plenty of fluids and if eating is too difficult try ensure or smoothies. I found therapy a wonderful tool in my experience and highly recommend it to anyone going through this. Also, if you need to see an md about sleep, anxiety or depression you surely wouldn't be the first person in this position who needed to. Sorry if all that seems weird or disjointed, it's easy to forget what resources we may have available in times of stress and sadness though and very easy to overlook self care. Take care of you and try to watch his actions to help make any decisions. Wishing you the best.

[This message edited by thisissogross at 9:55 PM, September 30th (Monday)]