SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

FoggedIn posted 9/30/2013 20:02 PM

I'm discovering I allowed my WH to lie about just about anything for our entire marriage!

I don't know if it was easier just to look past it, to believe he was who I wanted him to be, to avoid dealing with it, or why I ignored so much for 12 years. But I obviously did.

And now I'm trying to get to the bottom of so much, I'm not sure I ever will! WH has lied about so much for so long, I think he actually believes the lies himself!

I believed that his first marriage broke up because of his wife and her indiscretion (she's is crazy, no doubt!), but now I have good reason to believe he cheated on her as well!

He's denied any drug use ever! Now I know for certain that he did a healthy amount of drugs that he's repeatedly lied about to me.

I have had suspicions about A's in our relationship before. I got an std from him after we had been married 3 years & another 'unconfirmed' std 2 years ago (Dr. screwed up lab & had already given me meds before we knew the labs were messed up, so I couldn't get retested). Both times his response was 'sketchy' at best. But either I was too naive or weak to push the issue!

I've got to figure out a way to get answers!

He's trying to do everything right now. He's being understanding, patient, apologetic, remorseful....... truthful (I think) about this A. But If he can't be truthful about the rest of our life, it's a deal breaker!

I so did NOT sign up for this!
I'm an idiot for not waking up sooner!

doubleboggy posted 9/30/2013 20:13 PM

I'm an idiot for not waking up sooner!

If you are, I am too. Only took me 19 years to wake up.

FoggedIn posted 10/1/2013 11:17 AM

doubleboggy

Geez, why are we so naive?

Awful part is that if I had done what my WH has done, he would drop me like bad habit! Wouldn't think twice, no chance for forgiveness. He's always been the one to say cheating was unforgivable and a deal breaker!!!

Yet here we are, & he's the one that threw the grenade and is begging for forgiveness! And I'm the one wondering if I can and why would I!

cancuncrushed posted 10/1/2013 16:17 PM

Im try not to be so hard on myself. I had gut feelings, I had doubts, I asked questions. He worked across country most of the time. I couldnt and still cant know anything. Cant check phone records, its all work. I feel helpless and a victim. And stupid.