Me: fWH/BH 46
I understand where you are at. I had a LTA.
here is my short version. 15 years ago I had a 3-4 month EA/PA. Got found out, went into R with my wife, but really didn't go mental NC, so in reality it was a false R - so 6 years ago when OW contacted me via email, I jumped back in to the EA. Sporadic emails, 2 dinners, me fishing to meet her more, and more. It was like going on a drinking binge every-time the emails started. So in linear time, my A was 15 years long (even though a large part was dormant)
was found out last year. Went NC right away, and have not felt anything for OW. Why? At first it was because of the pain I caused my wife, my kids, but then because of way i did to myself. I realized that I did not want to be that person anymore, even in my case that it was a dealbreaker for my W. I don't want to be that person for myself.
Until you feel remorse for what you did to yourself AND everyone around you, you will still fell that longing (IMO).
Have you told you H? Have you faced what you have done to him yet? Have you faced what you did to yourself?
Good luck, keep posting, keep looking into yourself.
Separated transitioning to D