I get home from work and I see that H bought him and the boys some chinese food. No big deal right? Not usually, not before all this. I get upset. Why? Bc he didn't offer to bring me some at work and didn't save me any either. Not like cold chinse food sounded great at midnight but its the thought I would've appreciated. So whatever I'm not hungry anyways. I notice he's allowed the kids to ransack the house, the house that was clean when I left for work. He wakes up and talks to me for a minute. I'm trying not to start an argument bc I'm exhausted and just not in the mood.
Then he starts telling me his feet and shoulders hurt and I know he's fishing for a massage. I know this bc I KNOW HIM and dammit do I know hime WELL. Sure enough he asks for me to rub his feet and shoulders. Tying not to argue I do and I'm hating every damn second. The whole time I'm fighting tears and thinking why in the hell am I doing this? And more importantly why does he feel its okay to ask this of me? And I hate it even more bc OW rubbed his back and even though he said she was terrible at it he still allowed and I hate him for that. Why should I rub your stupid back when not too long ago someone else was in my place doing this?
He's trying to fall back into old ways and things I used to not mind doing I hate. He doesn't want to talk whatever but shit!
I don't want to be a doormat but I don't want to argue and I just allowed it him to wipe his feet on me. Dammit I hate myself right now. The optimism I tried to have when I got home just flew out the window.
[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 1:29 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]