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Newest Member: W2MNL (46024)

User Topic: Do I tell someone?
NoAnswers37
♀ 40592
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I think my XBF could possibly be a danger to women in the future due to his unhealthy obsession and behaviours, should his family be made aware? They have no idea what I saw on his phone and I have a family member who is adamant that they should know.

What does everyone think?

We were LD so he is nowhere around me, but the persona he is showing the world in RL and his online self are so opposite...


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know... I think at this point in time, the best course of action is to detach. I think that would be the healthiest option for you.

I'd like to hear what others think as well.


Posts: 8233 | Registered: Dec 2010
TrulySad
♀ 39652
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends on how close you are with his family. If they talk to you, and ask why you are no longer with him, I'd tell them the truth. But if your only contact with them was always with him, then if you reach out to them now, chances are they will just see you as some crazy ex (which you are NOT!).

If his actions involved something illegal, than that's another story. I'd tell them.

If it's just him being a shitty BF, with zero boundries, unfortunately, that's his right. And I'd walk away.

I was in a similar situation with a police sgt. Not only was he doing illegal things with his job, he was a serious psycho in his personal life, to include hurting his children. I was able to pass on info to the law, regarding his child abuse, but the rest didn't matter. No matter what I said, I was looked at as the crazy ex. He was a cop, and very good at knowing how to manipulate the story. It wasn't until his son's school sent his son by ambulance to the hospital, for being beat by the man, that they came back to ask me questions and take me seriously. Unfortunately, again, he got off because he knew how to word things. Today, he's married to a woman who had children of her own. He met her, and they got married all in less than a year. I was torn as to letting her know what whe was getting into. But, I walked away. I knew she wouldn't listen, and she was going to have to live it for herself.

It's a tough choice. I think you need to think about yourself with this one, and ask yourself if it will help. If not, just walk away.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 492 | Registered: Jun 2013
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is thankfully no longer your problem and the chances of his family believing you are slim, so I would say no and let it go. You need to focus on your own life and stop focusing on him. It was a LDR and now it is over. Only he is capable of fixing him and telling his family will serve no real purpose now. Move on with your life and be thankful he showed his true colors before you married him or even worse had kids with him.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Divorcing as soon as I can as he is still cheating with OW

Posts: 2472 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
strongerdaybyday
♀ 40264
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends on how close you are with his family. If they talk to you, and ask why you are no longer with him, I'd tell them the truth. But if your only contact with them was always with him, then if you reach out to them now, chances are they will just see you as some crazy ex

^^THIS


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2013
NoAnswers37
♀ 40592
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all, it's more a family member of mine who was a police officer - I have told him what happened and he is hugely concerned and would want to talk to his parents to warn them. I would not have any contact with them.


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
HurtButHopeful?
♀ 25144
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd say go ahead and let your police officer relative speak with the family. However, you know, XBG will deny everything. His family will also not want to believe it and will think you are vindictive. XBF will not pay the piper until he gets caught red handed, by which time he will have already hurt someone.

I and my family have dealt with this. A good friend turned out to be a pedofile, and groomed out son for a year. He did some illegal things, but it was his word against a minor, and the DA didn't want to prosecute because there wasn't enough evidence to convict. By the time the pervert does something worth conviction, he will have hurt more boys and their families. Our son is now very sexually promiscuous with girls to prove to the world, and to himself that he isn't homosexual. Breaks our heart.

It is a good thing people are innocent until proven guilty, as it keeps truly innocent people from going to jail for things they didn't do. The truly guilty ones, however get to hurt others until they are caught doing something worth conviction.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
NoAnswers37
♀ 40592
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks HBH, and I am so so sorry about what happened - I really hope your son can heal. There is such evil in the world and I pray that karma is watching that man.

I have thought about what will they think of me, and I have come to realise... I don't actually care! Everyone I love knows I have done nothing wrong and am the innocent party. If they think I am crazy, so be it. All they need to do is look at his phone for the evidence.

Any contact would not go ahead involving me, and I do not want anything out of it other than knowing I did everything I could to try and stop a monster. I am unsure if some things I saw on the phone were illegal, but they certainly were not right.

Will mull it over for a few more days/weeks and see how I feel then.

Thanks again for responding everyone


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
Topic Posts: 8

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