Just call me Wonder
On my way to work, my pandora played a song that helped me in that moment.
I say in that moment because it was just what I needed right then. I was on my way to work, right now we have what I call the "fragile connection." That really sensitive time in between outbursts, or cathartic conversations where things aren't necessarily fixed, but we are feeling close and positive.
ANYWAY- on my way to work I was gearing up for a day of focusing and productivity. I drive through her town everyday- cant avoid it, so every morning is a small trigger for me (getting better, but it is what it is).
Had my music on, and "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" by the band Oasis came on.
I will try to remember the lyrics here...
"When all of the stars have faded away,
Try not to worry you'll see them someday.
Take what you need, and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out."
First - the apt description of "crying your heart out." That is exactly what it feels like when I cry over this. Like my heart is being dislodged from my chest and ripping itself out through my throat and mouth.
I would never tell someone to stop crying their heart out if they needed to- I certainly allow myself to do that (ha ha- I say allow as if I have choice about it :)
but for that moment, it was the motivation I needed to start and get through the rest of my day.
Please, friends, take a deep breath and try to have a good day.
I thought I had stopped pretending. I was wrong.
Me- BS 41
Him- WS 38 and STBX
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2: EA w/CoW, 06-15-2017