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Struggling - H @ work event today that OW attending

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MJane posted 10/1/2013 07:54 AM

As H and OW work in same area and there is an event that they will both be at today am having a rough day. I was pretty straight this morning about the fact that I will never forgive him if he starts anything again & breaches my trust - particularly as he was very dressed up & all sorts of thoughts have gone through my head. I hate being so insecure but the reality is that this is exactly how they carried on behind my back (meeting @ "events" and heading back to her flat for sex). I am really trying not to think of things (I sent a email with pic of our son but have left it at that) - am heading to exercise class after work in an effort to "be normal" when I really want is to get on the phone and hear him say he loves me, nothing is happening and that he is so sorry he has made me so insecure....Days like this I think I don't want to R and that leaving would be easier than this looking over the shoulder and pain...

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/1/2013 08:44 AM

I don't really have any good advice as my WH and the OW work together as well. I just want you to know you are not alone in your thinking and someone shares your feelings.

My WHs AP actually got moved to his dept where he is now having to train her

H only works weekends so beginning Thursday night I start having anxiety attacks and once I get home I'm completely lost in an insecure, anger ridden, self doubting cloud of turmoil. I have a hard time controlling it and I usually end up making Hs work days more stressful than they already are.

We will get through this, it just makes it so hard when the OW is right there leaving us with thoughts while they're at work

heforgot posted 10/1/2013 08:45 AM

If I were you, I'd suprise him for lunch.

MJane posted 10/1/2013 09:43 AM

Thanks both - was an external meeting (a big "event" they attend in their business)so other people around (not that that helped in the past....) I hate being this insecure person. It feels so unfair. I had a new colleague at work this week be very friendly and I thought - if i wanted I too could betray him - not that I ever would play that game but it sickened me to think that thought and how much I resent what he has done. Everyone gets attention in mixed work environment so it is all about what they do with it...I am no longer wearing my wedding ring (I wear a ring from my sister who I lost some years ago) as i refuse to wear it while I feel in this limbo...

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/1/2013 10:04 AM

I'm not wearing mine either. It only reminds me of the happier times. It reminds me of the day he gave it to me and my then 7yo son was so excited and asked if that meant we were married then and now. That memory, of his adoration and pure love for me, turns me into an angry woman. Why can't he love me this way now? Why was it so easy to betray the woman who has stood by you through thick and thin, who you claim to love, say she's your world, your everything? Those rings make me sick to my very broken core

MJane posted 10/2/2013 05:47 AM

Supposedtob I can only imagine how difficult the circumstances are for you with H's co-worker being there so often. My day ended with a fight as H didn't get what the problem was and even said it was a big public event so while he saw her that was it...as if I was making a mountain out of a molehill. He just doesn't get the trigger or that the right thing to do would have been to phone me at lunch to check in. I actually got an email in my afternoon asking whether I was ok with him going for a drink after work with his male colleague who was in town (it was genuine - I saw texts later). Of course in my mind I had it being something else and was in a state when I got home - he ended up cancelling, angry and we fought. He hasn't started IC yet and I so need him to get the depths of this pain and insecurity he has created if we stand any chance at R. Then again last night I wondered if R with him was what I wanted given he was so blind to my pain...

heartache101 posted 10/2/2013 07:24 AM

My spouse worked with both his AP I look back now in wonderment as to how I just oh well. I told him if he wants that trash let me know and I am sooo gone. To this day I still dont get the how he could of thing.
But I knew I was better. A better person then any of them! You have to really believe in yourself!
So does your gut say they were messing around again?
MJane you need to get him into counseling I mean really he should not be yelling at you.
I am sorry you have to endure this crap!

MJane posted 10/2/2013 11:12 AM

Thanks heartache - am trying - H is on waiting lst for someone my IC recommended - after an awful MC experience with first one we tried I think best he waits for right one that one like Mc counsellor...today spent lovely afternoon with my son and am feeling the healing from that. I am so lucky to have him and whatever happens am lucky in lots of other ways....

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