Wow...That`s a bit of a doozie. I think why it`s bothering you still to this day is because you don`t know what really happened that night. You have conflicting stories, and even more painfully, the OW is crying rape. That must be quite devastating and very troublesome for you. So many unanswered questions must be going on in your mind. Was it rape? Did he come on to her? What if he gets that drunk again? How could anyone be that drunk and not remember? Are they both lying and really do remember?
Are you still in IC? If not maybe you should. Maybe you should also be in MC as well. I know your relationship is great right now, but you and your Spouse need to figure out what led to this? How this happened? and what are the answers? Heaven forbid she presses charges on your WS and he isn't prepared with what really happened. It's better to go down that road now then wait for charges. I know that sounds scary, but really, if she's running around town saying it, then he needs to protect himself if it's not true, and you need to know what the truth is.
ETA: Don't feel stupid for posting. We all understand...
[This message edited by Broken1Again at 10:05 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]
As far as the OW pressing charges: I doubt it would happen. But I was smart enough to keep her texts and facebook messages to me stating that it's her fault and telling a very different story than she is telling people now.
After all of this time and with your relationship being so solid, he may feel much less threatened by the question.
I don't think anyone ever really forgets a betrayal, but I think we can eventually just make it part of our life story. Sorry you are still being hurt by it, but sounds like you have a great husband.
I don't think he'd agree to MC because he thinks I'm ok with it now.
Our relationship is incredible now. There is absolutely NC and we are both completely open with each other.
You're not telling him how you really feel. A successful R needs communication and MC.
It sounds like you need some MC with your husband. IMO I would put it to your husband that way. It sounds like a good marriage other than the rug sweeping, which is good for him not you. Just explain it to him; honey, I hate to bring this up but it is really bothering me. Then just lay it out, the whole truth. Even the talk with the OW's fiancÚ at the time. It sounds like your husband was very remorseful and did a great many things he needed to do to help you, except fully explain and discuss the incident, and why it happened. Maybe she did come on to him and in his super drunken state he cheated. No excuse being given from me, still bad, but it is a explanation.
Good luck dear.