Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
Please visit our sponsor

In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: TIMETOREACT (48009)

User Topic: Trigger Revelation
♀ 40264
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been trying to pinpoint what my triggers are. One of them are the words "Good Morning", not spoken, typed. Why? Because when I found out about the A I found an email from OW that was simply titled "Good Morning" with a picture of herself (not racy, posing "seductively") and every time I see those words in email or typed in general my mind brings me back to the email and picture. Sounds ridiculous...I guess...I mean it's a common phrase, but, there it is. Anyone else find triggers that were so common and almost unavoidable - and how do you deal with it?

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
D-Day Summer 2013

R? D? I don't know...

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

Posts: 429 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 36576
Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stronger))) Sorry, I don't have any advice, but I understand. WH was with the last OW that I know of when I was in the hospital after having one of our kids. It irritates me that his birthday is difficult for me. I try to just focus on my son all day, but after the kids are in bed and it's just me it sucks. And when he was with her that night they were playing board games with her son and a couple of her friends. I used to love playing games. And the list goes on and on.
When I start having those thoughts I try to make a list in my head of all of the really good things in my life to try to refocus. Some days it works better than others. Lately what's helped the most is just putting on some music, singing, and dancing.

wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 40264
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks whatnow. b-day is another one of my triggers too. H met OW at my child's 1st b-day party. I can't even look at pics from that day anymore.

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 10:03 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
D-Day Summer 2013

R? D? I don't know...

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

Posts: 429 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 40622
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Wife's affair was right after our wedding.

I can't even look at pics from that day anymore

Me too.

Our daughter is getting married in December so I'm triggering all the time.

D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since my WH had a LTA almost everything triggers me at times. When I start to trigger I tell myself to put it into the here and now and not to dewell on the past. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have also made myself go places they went together and have taken them back as mine. I know that sounds silly, but it has helped. Like last year I really had a big trigger over the State Fair. He had taken her the year before and lied to me about it while I was in the hospital. At first I wasn't going to go, then I told myself that I needed to reclaim my time with him there, so I went. I had a few small triggers that day, but we had a great time. This year I entered some of my canned veggies and won some ribbons for them, even one first place. So now I feel that I have finally taken that away from her and it makes me happy now. I think you have to figure out what triggers you and how you can reclaim that for yourself. Maybe instead of looking at your son'r BD as a trigger, maybe look at it that he is your miricle child that she will never have claim to and you will be able to celebrate his BD with him for the rest of your life and she won't have that priviledge. (((HUGS)))

STBXWH#2-53 Dumbass
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
No kids together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 False R
DD#4-11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
Divorce filed 1/5/15

Posts: 3819 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, hundreds of them. It just seems like many of them fade after I think about them. They would come out of nowhere, trigger me, then I would think about them, and they would just fade.
There are still a few biggies that I am not past, but all of the smaller ones are not so problematic anymore. I think because they are so "every day" that you just get immune to them because you encounter them so often.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1331 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♀ 40208
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, tons of things. Her name, which is a little uncommon but does occur. Best Western, jeeps (she drove one), the town they screwed in, the town they met in. Pictures on FB that I posted during the time this was all going on. I look at my kids and what was going on in my life and how oblivious I was. Ping pong, he played ping pong with her the first night they met (not affair yet). So many things. I can't name them all.

BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
♀ 40329
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally came unwound a bit on WH yesterday about a trigger.
He's been asking me everyday, several times, "Are you having a GOOD day?" WTF? It really sends me over the edge?
UUUmmmmm No I'm not having a GOOD day, less than 2 months ago you were in bed with a hooker! & I had to pull back the sheets to find her make up and your cum all over the sheets, so exactly why do you think I'm having a GOOD day?

Ugh, why are W so oblivious to things? I mean really, does he think I'm having a good day? I just told him, please don't ask if I'm having a good day anymore. Did I get out of bed today? yes, did I get dressed today? yes, Am I trying to be productive at work today? yes, Did I resist the urge to crack open a bottle of wine before noon today? yes, Am I having a good day? hell no!

Ok, I'll try to put a lid on it now! hmmm trigger much? It's been a rough few days. Sorry

D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 216 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk about common triggers, xpos was searching in CL in every town around the area under Personals for "Casual and Anonymous Sex" listings. I saw many that he clicked on. I have no idea if he met with any, but I KNOW that he went to those towns under the guise of volunteering - driving for a charity. And I'm SURE he had a date in one of them that somehow got canceled.

MANY things have triggered memories of things that happened, but, luckily, I'm so happy to be rid of him and my life is so much better, that most of them just make me that I don't deal with any of them any more.

However, CL can still get to me. People have suggested to me at times that I go on CL for something, and I just say NO, I WON'T GO THERE!

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2864 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
♀ 40624
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I trigger everyday between the hours of 2 and 6 when he spent time talking to her on the phone or left work to spend the afternoon with her.

I trigger when I put our children to bed and he's not home because I remember all the nights he could have tucked them in, but he was out with her.

My feet being cold are a trigger because I think about all the times I was alone at night when I thought he was traveling for work and would wake up cold.

[This message edited by PositiveAttitude at 5:21 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

BW - 44 - SAHM
WH - 45 - 3 year LTA
Blended family - 2 school aged "ours" children left at home.
DDay (which one?) all in 2013
Reconciling - as best we can

Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Southwest US (Tucson)
Topic Posts: 10

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2015 All Rights Reserved.