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Can't get him out

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bookjunkie posted 10/1/2013 09:16 AM

Why, oh why, can't I seem to get OM out of my mind. He's there everyday and I really hate it! Sometimes I feel like this will never end.
Please, someone give me some advise about this. I'm tired of living like this.

SurprisinglyOkay posted 10/1/2013 09:24 AM

Have you read this thread yet?...

Maia's Withdrawal Survival Guide (repost for newbies)

I bumped it

[This message edited by broevil at 9:24 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

bookjunkie posted 10/1/2013 09:26 AM

Yes, I have read and re-read it. I just feel so bogged down. My H is doing much better than I am, at least that's what he tells me. Is it that I really don't know what I want?

SurprisinglyOkay posted 10/1/2013 09:39 AM

Well, what kind of thoughts are you having? Fond reminiscing? Anger?

bookjunkie posted 10/1/2013 09:47 AM

Some of both. Some just curiousity of what's going on in his life. The anger is finally going away just to be replaced by frustration. Frustration with my thoughts and that I can't seem to redirect them toward my H. Frustration with myself for feeling stuck. Feeling sad and depressed almost all of the time. I'm in IC and sometimes my C says that she doesn't think I really want R, that I'm just trying to convince myself. But I know I DO NOT want OM. He was only trying to get what he could get and I know he didn't care anything for me. I also know that my M had/has it's problems and we are both working hard on those issues.
I am on AD and don't want to increase my dosage but maybe it's time, because whenever I feel sad/depressed, I seem to wallow in it and what I've done to my H and our M. And that always brings thoughts of OM.

bookjunkie posted 10/1/2013 09:48 AM

I'm just trying to think thru this here and maybe get some clarity on it, something that I haven't realized yet.

uncertainone posted 10/1/2013 10:09 AM

But I know I DO NOT want OM. He was only trying to get what he could get and I know he didn't care anything for me.

You may have answered your own question. Your husband cares about you...check. The OM does not....project!!! Must matter. Must be wanted.

I've never understood the convincing of how the Op doesn't give a shit about the wayward. More often in life it's the negatives that motivate not the possitive. How do you get someone to do something? Tell them they can't. It's like crack, to some. Sadly, how the 180 is sometimes used.

Whether the OP cared or not is not the point. Do you want your marriage? Are you ok with the thought processess you used to green light this whole shit show? If not then SNAP OUT OF IT!!! Start focusing on that. Bet you can't

Pssst...yeah ya can. But don't tell yourself that until you have. K?

bookjunkie posted 10/1/2013 11:02 AM

Do you want your marriage? Are you ok with the thought processess you used to green light this whole shit show?

YES! and NO!

I want my M more than I thought I did and love my H more everyday. He has been more of a man than I thought he was and is teaching me what real love is. I can't say that I would have reacted the same way if the shoe was on the other foot.

As for my thought processes, I don't ever want to go there again. I never in a million years thought I was capable of an A and don't know who I was during that time. I am trying to figure out my "whys" and how my coping skills are severely lacking and how to change them.

20WrongsVs1 posted 10/2/2013 07:33 AM

It took me a long time to "get over" AP. What you're going through is not unusual, a lot of us have gone through the same thing. Time, and positive progress in my "healing journey" have been the answer for me.

Personally I'm not thrilled with what your C said, wondering if you really want to R. My C is really supportive of my M and has never remotely questioned if I want to R. How long have you been seeing her? If R is your goal, and obviously it is, then a person with that much influence over your mind-set shouldn't be making statements which, IMO, are undermining R. She can ask the question once, and if your answer is, "Yes, I really want to R," then she should 100% support that.

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