Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Ganon27

Reconciliation :
Ready to Trust but so anxious

This Topic is Archived
default

 niaveone (original poster member #40317) posted at 7:05 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

So WS has done everything, said everything, with a few bumps...he's been very transparent, happier. We both still have our bad days, but they have more to do with job schedules and FOO issues, I believe.

I really want to let go of this anxiety and go back to trusting him. I don't want to feel the need to verify everything, wonder if he's going to come through the door and just say "it's not working, I'm done" or even worse "I saw OW again, and I just miss her"...I have no proof, and no real reason to think this might happen...just a nagging anxiety always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm just really sad and really tired and really mourning the naïve life I had before all this. While I don't want the :marriage: we had before, I certainly crave the illusion of control and idea of marriage I had.

Just having a bad day, I guess and wanted to know if others felt this way 10 mths out of DDay?

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 24 years
2 children
2 DDays
Reconciling

posts: 511   ·   registered: Aug. 14th, 2013
id 6507320
default

jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 8:19 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

(((niaveone)))

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6507398
default

neverdidithink ( member #40568) posted at 8:24 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

(((niaveone)))

I'm only a couple of months out yet find myselft in essentially the same place as you. He is doing all the right things. I believe his remorse is sincere. Yet that little voice is reminding me that he cheated before, he can cheat again. I want to let my guard down, but I'm terrified.

I know I can never go through this pain again. If he was ever to have another affair, it would mean divorce.

I have to trust him and trust myself right now but there are days the "what-ifs" make that hard.

I'm working hard to live for today and not borrow trouble that may never come, join me?

BS, 57
M 13 years
second marriage, second WH
4 kids in their 20s

posts: 440   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2013
id 6507407
default

Fightingmad ( member #37330) posted at 10:21 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

I was doing well with it until now when first anniversary of dday is approaching. I think the trust is not something you decide but something that slowly (very slowly) will return. Until then do what you need to feel safe/secure.

Unfortunately for me I think I've stopped checking because I don't care. At least if he cheats again I know the answer, there will be no 3rd chance.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Married 12 years
Dday 1 10/12 PA
Dday 2 03/15 (sexting)
Together 11 1/2 years
I've loved him forever
4 beautiful children ages 4-12 (one not bio his) but his through love

posts: 899   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2012
id 6507578
default

Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

I absolutely felt that way.

Try to give yourself some space in terms of how you think you're supposed to feel and/or react.

It's not comfortable, but it IS ok to be uncertain or leery about things. One way or another, you will get past feeling this way.

Control truly is an illusion, and the more we embrace that the freer we feel. You just take care of you today.

(((niaveone)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6507588
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy