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Newest Member: Stand4Me (49889)

User Topic: Ready to Trust but so anxious
♀ 40317
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So WS has done everything, said everything, with a few bumps...he's been very transparent, happier. We both still have our bad days, but they have more to do with job schedules and FOO issues, I believe.

I really want to let go of this anxiety and go back to trusting him. I don't want to feel the need to verify everything, wonder if he's going to come through the door and just say "it's not working, I'm done" or even worse "I saw OW again, and I just miss her"...I have no proof, and no real reason to think this might happen...just a nagging anxiety always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm just really sad and really tired and really mourning the na´ve life I had before all this. While I don't want the :marriage: we had before, I certainly crave the illusion of control and idea of marriage I had.

Just having a bad day, I guess and wanted to know if others felt this way 10 mths out of DDay?

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 441 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 42032 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 40568
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm only a couple of months out yet find myselft in essentially the same place as you. He is doing all the right things. I believe his remorse is sincere. Yet that little voice is reminding me that he cheated before, he can cheat again. I want to let my guard down, but I'm terrified.

I know I can never go through this pain again. If he was ever to have another affair, it would mean divorce.

I have to trust him and trust myself right now but there are days the "what-ifs" make that hard.

I'm working hard to live for today and not borrow trouble that may never come, join me?

BS, 53
M 9 years
second marriage, second WH
4 kids in their 20s, none together
I have no idea whether we will D or R at this point.

Posts: 424 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 37330
Member # 37330
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was doing well with it until now when first anniversary of dday is approaching. I think the trust is not something you decide but something that slowly (very slowly) will return. Until then do what you need to feel safe/secure.

Unfortunately for me I think I've stopped checking because I don't care. At least if he cheats again I know the answer, there will be no 3rd chance.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Married 12 years
Dday 1 10/12 PA
Dday 2 03/15 (sexting)
Together 11 1/2 years
I've loved him forever
4 beautiful children ages 4-12 (one not bio his) but his through love

Posts: 893 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely felt that way.

Try to give yourself some space in terms of how you think you're supposed to feel and/or react.

It's not comfortable, but it IS ok to be uncertain or leery about things. One way or another, you will get past feeling this way.

Control truly is an illusion, and the more we embrace that the freer we feel. You just take care of you today.


Nothing ever goes away until is has taught us everything we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 24916 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5

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