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Newest Member: Confused4 (61103)

User Topic: 3 Months From D-day
♂ 40257
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evening of July 01, my body went numb. The stunned feeling, the inability to eat, sleep, concentrate. The emotions, wow (I'm a guy so it was uncharted territory!). I had to hold in what I knew for a month due to a son's sporting obligation that was important to him. The emotional hellish rollercoaster I rode. Totally lost myself for awhile. Came on here. Scared to tell anyone, family/friends (finally shared it with one person I could trust, my bro). Had to put on this "face" in the family and in public, when all the while I witnessed her charade (she didn't know I knew).
Finally, after son's sport thing was done, I confronted her soon after. Revealed what I knew. Was civil. Week later, she moved out. Separated, as it is labelled. Awkward for my sons, my family, in-laws, facing my community. Finally decided NOT to try to save marriage. Rumors. Talked with a lawyer. Triggers. The no-contact.

But, after those 3 months, you know what, it DOES get better! You begin to peel off the layers you built to survive with this human being...for 24 years! Things start to make sense. Things start to look up. Don't even miss her. Becoming a better person inside. Getting sleep (finally, for that was a huuuuge problem in the early stages). Confidence is soaring. My youngest son (other son is an adult out in the real world) and I are getting along great. Healthy, eating again, but maintaining the 20 lb weight loss I experienced, which is good (run and work out as well). Find I talk freer with folks in the public, at work, and with my family/in-laws. No one "hates" me, etc. And if there are those that are drawing their own conclusions, spreading false rumors...fuck em! Don't care. Still have some bad moments, but I find ways to calmly deal with them. Decided NOT to let her get to me. And if she does, I come on here to vent! LOL

Just sharing this to maybe give others some perspective on what I, as a guy, went thru and is going thru at the 3 month mark. There is still a long ways to go (lawyers, divorce, splitting assets, money, etc. --- all of that crap). And maybe I will need a counselor in the future. But today, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I just have to keep focussing on the positive thoughts and things, stay healthy, maintain my integrity, and move forward.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, things are moving so fast for you! I was a hot mess at three months. Good for you for finding a glimmer of positivity.

Things will go up and down for awhile, but you sound fairly well anchored emotionally.

Keep up the good work.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 20686 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! As you stated, still a ways to go but the feelings and understanding you have now will carry you the rest of the way. When/If you dip down again remember that the upside is coming back and they stay longer and longer the further you get out. I wish you the best!

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2201 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♂ 40257
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks Faith!
This sounds kinda gay (no offense to gay people, ) but the turning point was when I started to like/love ME again. The old me and then some, came back, slowly, and more of him is coming back. You just gotta love yourself, and that is huge.

I'm also proud of myself for not turning to drugs, booze, violence, revenge, etc. Knowing I could be civil in such times was incredible to my psyche.

And thank you too Flush!
I am also thankful for all of the SI posters who replied so kindly to my posts. Helpful support goes a long way, especially from those who are going thru similar Hell.

[This message edited by jackfish at 1:34 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad that things are looking up for you. I well remember the 3 month mark after I filed for D from XWH#1 after 23yrs, things had also started to look up for me and that is when I met WH#2. We are still together trying to make our marriage work but I am not very hopeful at this point a year after DDay#2. Just be ready because you will have times that your rollercoaster will have some dips, so enjoy the good times when you have them.

BS-54 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 8877 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. It's so nice to know that there is someone else out there going through the same BS. I found it very strange when I didn't miss STBXH as much as I thought it would. The improved relationships with and between my DD and DSs took me by complete surprise.

Sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected in the aftermath of such an emotional trauma. Keep finding those silver linings.

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3391 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. The only thing that really changed in my life when he left was.....less laundry.

Seriously. Once I realized that, it's been all good.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9154 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♂ 40257
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W mom
Lol. Yep.
And yes, I'm a guy.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 39772
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great inpsiration for me. I was really down tonight after talking to my ex. This is just what I needed to read before I go get a good nights sleep before my morning yoga class. THANK YOU!

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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