SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

mof2 posted 10/1/2013 14:49 PM

This has been such a long road and my divorce is final next week. The OW and her h's divorce is final in 2 weeks. During the time her H and I have been talking, we have become really close friends and leaned on each other through so much. Feelings have started to develop and it freaks me out. Is this just wrong??? I don't even know what to think. Most of the people who know about this on my side say no and that it is a natural progression of two people who have gone through torture together and grown close because of it. I'm so confused right now. Even scared to post this....but here it goes.

She11ybeanz posted 10/1/2013 14:52 PM

Run and don't look back.

I'm sorry....but you will never be able to have a normal relationship with this person without having to think about how it came to be in the first place. Do you really want to think about your XWH every time you are with your new SO? I wouldn't.

kernel posted 10/1/2013 18:01 PM

I would just say take it slow. Make sure you're completely healed from your X and your divorce before jumping into another relationship. I really don't see anything wrong with it otherwise - people meet each other in all kinds of strange situations.

wildbananas posted 10/1/2013 18:26 PM

Well... I have a friend whose XWH had an affair with a (casual) friend of hers. Eventually, my friend and the BH got together. They're getting married in a couple weeks and are one of the best, happiest couples I know.

That being said, I'd proceed with a lot of caution. You're both so close to your divorces, timeline-wise, you haven't had time to really heal. I've also learned the hard way that bonding over infidelity, especially when it's shared in this way (your spouses betrayed you with each other) can really skew things.

Just go slow. If it's real, it'll wait.

Take2 posted 10/2/2013 19:50 PM

Wrong - no, not necessarily. Tricky - oh yeah! So slow and cautious.

Someone here posted about marrying the other BS and the two WS married too (I think). The both WS's were killed in an accident and the BS's married and raised the kids together.

So... stranger things have happened....

hurtbs posted 10/2/2013 20:00 PM

No, I do not think it is wrong or even surprising. However, I do think that it is dangerous (in terms of feelings). I might consider taking a time out to assess your feelings for one another outside of the infidelity, divorce shit-storm.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:00 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

gypsybird87 posted 10/2/2013 22:55 PM

I think its natural to feel a bond with the other BS, because they understand exactly what you've gone through, and they're going through it right along with you.

But what else do you have in common beside this emotionally charged, shared experience? Are you truly compatible on other ways? If you had met randomly, without the lead-in of the shared betrayal, would you have been attracted to each other? Would you have hit it off?

I would just go slowly and as the divorce waters start to recede, see what you are left with. See if there is enough there to truly build a relationship.

Hugs to you, good luck!

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 10:57 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

mof2 posted 10/3/2013 11:34 AM

Thank you all for your advise. I was very apprehensive about asking.