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mof2 (original poster member #40287) posted at 8:49 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013
This has been such a long road and my divorce is final next week. The OW and her h's divorce is final in 2 weeks. During the time her H and I have been talking, we have become really close friends and leaned on each other through so much. Feelings have started to develop and it freaks me out. Is this just wrong??? I don't even know what to think. Most of the people who know about this on my side say no and that it is a natural progression of two people who have gone through torture together and grown close because of it. I'm so confused right now. Even scared to post this....but here it goes.
BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.
She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2013
Run and don't look back.
I'm sorry....but you will never be able to have a normal relationship with this person without having to think about how it came to be in the first place. Do you really want to think about your XWH every time you are with your new SO? I wouldn't. 
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
kernel ( member #27035) posted at 12:01 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
I would just say take it slow. Make sure you're completely healed from your X and your divorce before jumping into another relationship. I really don't see anything wrong with it otherwise - people meet each other in all kinds of strange situations.
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 12:26 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Well... I have a friend whose XWH had an affair with a (casual) friend of hers. Eventually, my friend and the BH got together. They're getting married in a couple weeks and are one of the best, happiest couples I know.
That being said, I'd proceed with a lot of caution. You're both so close to your divorces, timeline-wise, you haven't had time to really heal. I've also learned the hard way that bonding over infidelity, especially when it's shared in this way (your spouses betrayed you with each other) can really skew things.
Just go slow. If it's real, it'll wait.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 1:50 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
Wrong - no, not necessarily. Tricky - oh yeah! So slow and cautious.
Someone here posted about marrying the other BS and the two WS married too (I think). The both WS's were killed in an accident and the BS's married and raised the kids together.
So... stranger things have happened....
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 2:00 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
No, I do not think it is wrong or even surprising. However, I do think that it is dangerous (in terms of feelings). I might consider taking a time out to assess your feelings for one another outside of the infidelity, divorce shit-storm.
[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:00 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single
gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 4:55 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
I think its natural to feel a bond with the other BS, because they understand exactly what you've gone through, and they're going through it right along with you.
But what else do you have in common beside this emotionally charged, shared experience? Are you truly compatible on other ways? If you had met randomly, without the lead-in of the shared betrayal, would you have been attracted to each other? Would you have hit it off?
I would just go slowly and as the divorce waters start to recede, see what you are left with. See if there is enough there to truly build a relationship.
Hugs to you, good luck!
[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 10:57 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
mof2 (original poster member #40287) posted at 5:34 PM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
Thank you all for your advise. I was very apprehensive about asking.
BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.
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