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Funny Fantasy Revenge

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sleepless34 posted 10/1/2013 17:03 PM

I know that revenge is not productive. I have not participated in any of that with STBX or OW because 1) I have my eyes on the END GAME and don't want to do anything to jeopordize my legal situation and 2) because I don't want to be emotionally engaged with him or his skankwhore.

But...a girl has to dream doesn't she...

What are some of your funny revenge fantasies or stories you heard from others:

Here is my story: Someone I know (who is *NOT ME*) decided to cut the crotch out of every single pair of pants left in his closet.

I have another fantasy, but I will sae that one for later...

Anyone else??

HFSSC posted 10/1/2013 17:41 PM

Hope it's okay to pop in here and share these.

With my X-WH, I had this fantasy. It was quite elaborate, actually. I fantasized about hiring someone to abduct him and forcibly tattoo his genitals with something that looked like a horrible disease. That way he'd either have to go thru the pain of having it removed, or have his nads look like they were rotting off for the rest of his life.

In my current sitch, I briefly considered boxing up my vibrators, etc with a note that said, "Since you obviously like playing with my used sex toys, I thought I'd send you these" and sending to OW.

After her mother, to whom I fondly refer as TrashMo, called to threaten me with legal action for "slandering" her daughter, I wanted to take out a full page ad in the newspaper: "CORRECTION: P..... Ch..... is not a nasty whore and I apologize for making that statement. Just because she slept with my husband and took money from him does NOT make her a bad person."

SBB posted 10/1/2013 17:45 PM

Oh I had a few. The main one was papering a 2k radius around his office outing him - cheating, cocaine, OWUmpteen, Genital Herpes together with a print out of a very personal email he sent me in False R. He has been at that company the entire 25 years of his professional life (he started the year OWUmpteen/his office gopher was born ).

The other was outing OWUglyIndian to her entire community. I even Googled all of the temples in the area she is from and found their email addresses.

Revenge fantasies have their place for a time. Better out than in, as they say. Fine to visit but not a good place to stay.

I no longer have revenge fantasies - even him blowing up his life doesn't make me happy or sad. It is just happening to some loser-guy I used to know (although it does still sometimes make me chuckle).

Indifference is the best, most complete and permanent revenge. The irony being that once it comes you won't care to have that revenge. I'm not quite there yet myself.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 8:54 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Snapdragon posted 10/1/2013 18:45 PM

It wasn't a fantasy. I actually did it. But it was subtle. I had a strict plan to stick to the high road no matter how thin the oxygen became.

I started picking at the threads in the crotch or seat of his suit pants. Loosening them up just this much so you couldn't tell. But when the seam was stressed.... uh oh!!!

Then, I would let air out of his tires. Not completely. Just enough that he would have to stop and refill. One at a time. Randomly so that he'd find it in the morning as if it had all night to get low.

Yeah... petty. But it inconvenienced him.

The fantasies? Oh so much more malevolent and involving hitting him at his ego.
*causing him to go bald,
*getting him fat (remember the movie Mean Girls?),
*causing him to get a horrible outbreak of acne,
*causing his credit cards to be frozen so he couldn't wine and dine the stripper OW,
*telling everyone he was a one-pump-chump
*telling everyone how he was a "mark" for a 20 yr old stripper and was falling for it hook, line, and checkbook

Ahhh..... those were the days.

HurtsButImOK posted 10/1/2013 19:23 PM

My ultimate revenge fantasy:

He ends up with someone just like him

shudder, what a horrible thought!

SBB posted 10/1/2013 22:34 PM

I started picking at the threads in the crotch or seat of his suit pants. Loosening them up just this much so you couldn't tell. But when the seam was stressed.... uh oh!!!

This one is going into the bank if I ever have the misfortune of a WHv2.0.

Dawn58 posted 10/2/2013 10:54 AM

Oh boy, so many revenge fantasies!!! So many!!! I had to laugh when I read some of the ones that were posted because I shared the same thoughts.

He's getting what he deserves as he and the skank are engaged. They both are getting what they deserve.

Good riddance!! He cheated with her and will cheat on her. He cheated on his second wife, his third wife (me) and will cheat again. Okay, some venting here. He will never find true happiness and will die a lonely, despised old man. She will go through the pain that their affair has put me through. She'll be posting on this website at some point in time, wrapped up in a ball on the floor, sobbing her heart out. Her kids will be devastated as my son was. And he'll be off with someone else.

And I will be healed, strong, happy and so over him!!!!!! YES!! Sounds like the perfect payback!!

StillLivin posted 10/2/2013 11:29 AM

I plan on doing this just before STBXH returns from Afghanistan for good in a few months.

I just need to find out the legalities of it first...i.e. if I can be charged with harrassment or slander.

I want to make about 200 flyers with several pictures of her and him on it and under it let them know which apartment they live in and that he is a cheater and she is a homewrecking whore.

Then, I want to put a flyer on EVERY door in the complex and every car window!

Any lawyers out there with good advice.

Otherwise see how much for a billboard and advertise with a picture of them and that they are cheaters. Would love to find a billboard close by where they live where they HAVE to drive by it.

Vulcanized posted 10/2/2013 12:31 PM

My big fantasy is that XH & main OW get M'd (if that hasn't happened already). And stay that way.

I put OW on the cheater website. 3 million hits and counting. XH may/may not make an appearance on it as well.

h0peless posted 10/2/2013 13:21 PM

My brother has a work trailer with a hydraulic dump bed that he uses to take stuff to the dump. For a while, we had a tentative plan to fill it with a couple of tons of dog shit and dump it in New Dad's front yard. That would have been awesome.

[This message edited by h0peless at 1:22 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

chikastuff posted 10/2/2013 13:37 PM

Not revenge, but I often fantasize about what would have happened if 1. his suicide attempts had been successful, or 2. I had called 911 during his suicide attempts.

sleepless34 posted 10/2/2013 14:04 PM

Here is my other one:

OW house is for sale. If there is an open house, use realtor friend and send one of my people in there to take a look. Use bathroom, and locate shampoo. Fill shampoo bottle with NAIR type hair remover. Also, leave huge DUMP in the toilet. Put fleas or bed bugs or something in the bedroom. While it would Not be provable, but certainly all signs would point back to me... unless there are other homes she has wrecked. So, it is just a fantasy, but I am loving it nonetheless. BTW- that one would work for the cheating H or W too!

I try not to emotionally engage with what those two broken down pathetic losers are doing or thinking...so I don't really go there with regard to snooping, following, etc, but MAN OH MAN do I like to think about funny things I could do to humiliate them...

jagged posted 10/2/2013 14:19 PM

Some of these are truly inspired. My hat is off to y'all.

I had the opportunity for revenge fall almost literally into my lap, in the form of XWW's then-BFF, (and her partner in crime at many "let's play single girl" GNOs). While she was separated from her own H, she wanted to hook up on numerous occasions, including showing up on my doorstep on several occasions after a night out with XWW.

No, I never did, but it was clear that XWW thought I did...and I suppose that was enough for me. They're no longer friends.

[This message edited by jagged at 2:20 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

tushnurse posted 10/2/2013 14:26 PM

Wow these are great.
The big one I had was reporting her to the board in her state and having her disbarred for repeated offenses of making sexual advances on potential clients.

Of course there was the breast cancer scare shortly after Dday that he used for an excuse to break NC, for which I fantasized that her breasts were rotting off.

h0peless posted 10/2/2013 14:33 PM

Also, leave huge DUMP in the toilet.

Might I suggest doing an Upper Decker instead?

haysuth01 posted 10/2/2013 14:38 PM

This isn't mine, it's my XH's story, which I heard from his sister...

A couple of years ago around Xmas, XH and Wifetress (then just his GF) were living together. She had issues with his being "friendly" with me, wanted us to hate each other, wanted me to go through her for stuff regarding our son. Total whacko. Anyhoo, this didn't apply to her though- she still thought she should be allowed to hang out with her ex-fiance, whom she'd cheated on XH with just a year before. Anyway, XH was not cool with it so she said she'd stop.

So about a week before Xmas, Wifetress says she's going to a hockey game with some GFs. She did go to the game- but she went with ex-fiance, and got spotted by XHs brother. Who promptly told on her.

The next day, XH woke up early, packed up all the presents he'd gotten her- quite a bit, as XH is very good at the Xmas thing- and took them ALL BACK. EVERY SINGLE ONE. He wrapped an empty box with a note in it that said, "Maybe ex-fiance can buy you Xmas this year" and gave it to her. She FREAKED OUT on him, destroyed some things in their house, upset because she wouldn't be getting Xmas.

A month later, they got engaged. But it's still impressive.

[This message edited by haysuth01 at 2:38 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

haysuth01 posted 10/2/2013 14:44 PM

Might I suggest doing an Upper Decker instead?

Um, dare I ask what this is???

jagged posted 10/2/2013 14:51 PM

A couple of years ago around Xmas, XH and Wifetress (then just his GF) were living together. She had issues with his being "friendly" with me, wanted us to hate each other, wanted me to go through her for stuff regarding our son. Total whacko. Anyhoo, this didn't apply to her though- she still thought she should be allowed to hang out with her ex-fiance, whom she'd cheated on XH with just a year before. Anyway, XH was not cool with it so she said she'd stop.

So about a week before Xmas, Wifetress says she's going to a hockey game with some GFs. She did go to the game- but she went with ex-fiance, and got spotted by XHs brother. Who promptly told on her.

The next day, XH woke up early, packed up all the presents he'd gotten her- quite a bit, as XH is very good at the Xmas thing- and took them ALL BACK. EVERY SINGLE ONE. He wrapped an empty box with a note in it that said, "Maybe ex-fiance can buy you Xmas this year" and gave it to her. She FREAKED OUT on him, destroyed some things in their house, upset because she wouldn't be getting Xmas.

A month later, they got engaged. But it's still impressive.

^ THIS. This is the epitome of revenge, right here. That our XWS ends up with someone just like them. Priceless.

It's a fantasy, but in reality, I do not want my girls subjected to that bullshit when they're around XWW. Rather, I hope that she finds enough happiness to keep her willfully-untreated depression and probable BPD in check until they're out of the house.

Vulcanized posted 10/2/2013 14:53 PM

Might I suggest doing an Upper Decker instead?

I was thinking that too!

And if the heating is vents, maybe drop something fishy down there ...

h0peless posted 10/2/2013 15:40 PM

Um, dare I ask what this is???

You still take a shit in the toilet and you still leave it there but instead of going in the bowl, you crap in the tank.

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