SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have read that when you think something doesnt add up, its most likely because i dont have the whole truth. I feel like that everyday, and everyday i make up my own stories in my head. WBF tells me he has told me EVERYTHING, then why do i feel like i have to be an investigator everyday?? my gut tells me there is more. we are suppose to be reconciling!! last night i read to him some articles from this library because they are helping me and i want him to understand what he needs to do to help me. what does he do? tells me i cant hear anymore im having an anxiety attack!! he cant be reminded of how shitty he is?? that wasnt what i was trying to do!! i just need him to know of ways he can help me cope!!!

so help me here people....

this last DDay#2 has really got me. i cannot get past this one. here it is in a nutshell and then im going to tell you what i did (crazy me) today because i need answers!!!

the OW is my mothers coworker!!! and was mine as well when i worked there when i was 16. she has been a family friend for yearrssssss. she has no life, cant hang on to a man for the life of her, and sleeps withmen on first date. we all know this about her, but we still liked her and would hope she would find someone nice one day. Well this woman decides to exchange numbers with him because she claims she has dirt on me. so fo course WBF probably needs justifications for his actions and goes to her house to discuss me!

next day she tells my mom and every other coworker there including her boss that she had drunk sex with my WBF!! the OW tells me he bought the condoms at a conveince store and she said "he didnt last long".

this is WBF version....

he went there, she told him i did this and did that and i dont love him, bla bla bla... and he got mad.. she started trying to kiss him and touch him, and he said no, but he goes in bathroom and puts on a condom he said she left for him on counter. then he claims he thought about it and took it off in the bathroom and had an argument with her and left.

i went to her house and retrieved condom. condom looks in tact. no sperm whatsoever.

so now im thinking maybe his story is somewhat correct.

i asked her where is the sperm and she tells me check for fingerprints. well duh i know there gonna be on there.

now im sending condom in for vaginal fluid. they could have had sex but maybe he didnt cum. (this is my crazy thinking)

he wants me to do it and he said he will pay for it.

so here is me being even more nutty.. i have the box too.. so i call the store. turns out they have a purchase of that brand on the same day and same time he would have purchased the condoms. 5:26 am... what a coincidence right??? so just before he is claiming no way she must have bought them, and i no where near stupid, i know he bought them.. so i call up store again and ask her if she can look up surveillance footage of that day and see who purchased it. she is going to get back to me soon.

I tell #WBF that and he is yelling at me and saying thats illegal and all this crap.. i told him why u worried.. if u didnt buyt them this will make u look better right??

so i know my WBF another pressuring from me he explodes.. he said yes he bought them because she asked him to buy her condoms because for another guy that was also over at her house... but turns out they were for my WBF..

NOWWWWWW he claims he as going to tell me about the condom purchase after i got the dna results back from the condom because if i found out he bought the condoms first i would just leave him without testing condom. he is dying for me to send in condom to prove he didnt go through with it.

so right now im losing it.. and i need to vent sorry.

im suppose to be reconiling here but i do not have all the truth so i still have to dig. he isnt ready either, he still cannot be honest. selfish yet again and protecting himself.

i have forgiven him for the other things but i dont think i can for this. The Ow woman was a family friend, a coworker and my poor mother works with her and they were very close. my mom even had words with her over this. i alost want to su her for harrassment because she blew up my buisness all over.

god help her is the dna results come back in WBF favor.

im so tempted everyday to beat her ass. i will never get rid of her as long as she works with my mother.. trigger!! im afraid ill hear something everyday... or thats he has hurt my mother.. then im really going to hurt her.. im in a bad staage now.. im angry beyond..........

i just had to go on antidepressants today..this has ruined my life.

and now i thought i was reconciling w WBF... and he betrayed me again.. we has such a good weekend .. now im back to square one.. i have no money to see counselor, i have no insurance.. im just screwed... this website is the only thing i have. sorry im typing fast and furious right now

I am so sorry this is happening to you. (((SF30)))

It sounds to me like he is not remorseful at all. I don't think I'd believe anything he says......even if there is no DNA on the condom. Just the fact that he went there and attempted to use it would be enough for me.

Put on your bitch boots girl and 180 him hard. Give yourself some time to get your thoughts in order-you don't have to make a decision now. But start thinking of yourself and what YOU need--forget about him.

Wait. It was ok for him to be IN her house, wearing a condom, ready to have sex? But not ok that he bought the condoms?

Seriously?

Repeat -- don't waste your money on a DNA test for the condom. Just don't.

she started trying to kiss him and touch him, and he said no, but he goes in bathroom and puts on a condom he said she left for him on counter.

Does ^^this seriously make any kind of sense to you? It is really a logical impossibility.

I'm thinking that you've lost sight of the forest because you've become focused on a specific tree. Stop engaging in semantic word-wars with him. This guy is trying to gaslight you so badly that you have reached the point of requesting video footage in order to *prove* you are right.

As I said before....SO WHAT if he didn't *finish*. He was somewhere that he shouldn't have been, with someone that he shouldn't have been with, doing something that he shouldn't have been doing. Case closed.

You aren't in R with your WBF. You can't R with a person that is acting as he is......

you are all right, but i was really trying to move past all of this with him. how come other couples can stay and work through it but i have to leave? i absolutely see he is no where near ready... and oh yes he went too far by even going to her house... adn putting on a condom holy shit... but even if i do decide to leave him.. i want the truth and i will get it... i need closure.. if he doesnt want to be honest than ill figure it out on my own. i have to do this. i know im completely stupid for trying with him especially after this. im not gonna stop til i get the truth.. this is how crazy this has made me. i am doing dna test because if it comes out he is lying this will push me out the door and close it shut. right now i STILL have one foot in there. like an a$$... because i love him and i dont know why. my story is way more than i wrote here.. i have a lot going on.. im determined to find answers even though i know i should just go. one girls saying they slept together, he is saying no way... so i need to know i just have to know.. and then maybe i can move foward with my life without even a thought of him.

(((SF))))

First of all let me say your pain is valid. IT's ok to be this upset and heartbroke, but then I also need to say, many of us here were/are married and put up with far less before throwing our spouses out.

He has issues with being honest, and is obviously going to do what he wants regardless of your feelings. Even if he isn't sleeping with other women, this is a HUGE issue.

You are not married. You can move on. You need to seriously consider why you would want to stay with this man, I mean more than you love him. Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Constantly worrying, checking, following up on?

Prior to kids infidelity was a dealbreaker for me, and I can tell you if there is EVER a second time, I am so done.

You are going down a road that is long, hard, and painful for at least the next 2-3 years, and that is IF he gets his head out of his ass. Don't you deserve more? Don't you deserve someone who will treat you with respect? Put you on a pedestal? Make you the Queen of their Kingdom?

You deserve so much more, than this crazy making nonesense. Save your money on the DNA test, you know he crossed the line. Pack his shit, and throw him out. If he wants to get his head right he will, and then you can think about letting him back into your world, but until then show him the door.

but i still want the dna test. i want to know how far it went. obviously he is a huge AHOLE, but this girl also has a rep fro lying. if you guys only knew the stories she has told. even though he went wayyy to far, i want to see if he IS telling me at least that part of the truth, if he is then holy crap this girl will do anything to hurt people and she is crazy. in a sick way i think she is telling me the truth, but her reputation makes me doubt it. regardless of what he did or me kicking him out or staying, i WILL NOT STOP until i get results. this is burning inside me badly. i will not be left in the dark and having everyone have a secret about me and im the fool.. not anymore. if paying for this will bring my sanity back no matter how dumb it may seem to all of u, i have to do it. if he is lying again (which i think he is) and i get the proof.. he better run....fast... im not getting played anymore.

Even with a DNA test there is no guarantee they will tell the truth.

And her DNA may in fact be on the condom. (skin cells) But what does that prove? She touched the condom?

You are dealing with two proven liars. The only way to rid yourself of this humiliation is to step out of this three-ring-circus and move on.

Even if you get the condom tested, it doesn't prove he didn't just pull the condom off and screw her without it.

i need closure.. if he doesnt want to be honest than ill figure it out on my own

In my opinion, there is no such thing as closure. You either accept that he's a liar or you don't. There is nothing you can discover or that he/she can tell you that won't lead to even more questions about what happened. Again, in my opinion, searching for the elusive closure is just a way to delay having to accept the truth and to move on.

exactly what i thought.. he could have pulled off condom and did her that way. believe me i have thought of everything. but OW told me condom was used and he didnt last long.. so never did she say he took it off even AFTER i asked her then where is the sperm in the condom. she is saying well his prints are on it. i know that, i want to know if that condom wwas used for sex (he could have had sex with her and never finished too,...thats why there is no sperm) i have all these ideas. im testing for fluids not fingerprints... if she slept w him then her stuff should be on it. and like i said sorry guys but i have to know.. i have become obsessed. she tolddddd my moms whooollleeee work place she did , so if test comes back neg i am showing everyone there.. and they will all see what a liar..dont think this excuses WBF in no way shape or form... but if its positive then time for me to hit the road.. theres a whole lot in this story guys i dont feel like typing.... my goal is to continue to blow every spot up. i tried to forgive him for this, but im still angry and im not done investigating. i know i seem crazy, but i have to do dna test. for many reasons... maybe he will crack up before dna test.. and then i can save my $$ lol.. if i dont do this and i find out years later, if i decide to stay with him, who knows if ill have a child by then or married... like i said i love this man, im not completely out the door yet,and i KNOW i should be, but im close. im finding it really hard to leave him. why i have no idea..except im a stupid fool.. but the dna test will solidify me most definitely that i cannot stay with him..and if thats what i need (another kick in my ass) so be it.

how come other couples can stay and work through it but i have to leave?

This is not true. And in order to "work through" you MUST have A WS who is being totally honest and transparent. You don't have that. Not even close.

You can waste your money and out them both on a lie detector. Just because you want the truth and need closure, doesn't mean you're going to get it.

You cannot control this situation. Focus on yourself.