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Random Polling: Do you Beat yourself up for little things?

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Confused1829 posted 10/1/2013 21:52 PM

I'm just curious, how much of us (BS) have anxiety?

Like, I have always somewhat been a bit of an anxious person, and I've done a great job with a lot of my healing, but.. sometimes I find myself beating myself up for saying or doing something wrong, does that make sense?

Like, I beat myself up for stuff that others would tend to let go and worry I think too much about what other people think. I think it's a part of just not feeling good enough and that I need to be better. I think it comes in waves, not sure if it's a BS thing or a me thing. Just curious if others did the same?

Maybe I'm just a little nuts!

NaiveAgain posted 10/1/2013 21:58 PM

No. I used to but now I am okay with making mistakes sometimes. I expect myself to make mistakes and I understand that everyone makes them sometimes.

My big issue is that I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.....

caregiver9000 posted 10/1/2013 21:59 PM


If it is nuts, then add me to the nut pile.

Working on this very thing in IC.

inconnu posted 10/1/2013 22:08 PM

I second guess myself after I've said or done something. I can't tell you how many "do-over" conversations I've had in my head.

It's not something that started with the infidelity/becoming a BS, though. I've done it as long as I can remember.

ChoosingHope posted 10/1/2013 22:34 PM


1) Perfectionism
2) Caring too much what others think.

Obviously they are linked.

h0peless posted 10/1/2013 22:59 PM

I do but I've been working on it. It got worse when I was with my ex because she was hyper-critical of everything and I always felt like a failure. Since Dday and divorce, I've been working on building self-esteem and being satisfied with "good enough" while also maintaining my ambition and drive to improve.

I still haven't figured it out yet.

Sad in AZ posted 10/2/2013 00:02 AM

No; absolutely not. I allow myself to be very imperfect. You know, there are cultures that purposely make mistakes in their work because only 'God' is perfect.

My house is always a little (well, a lot) messy, my cakes are lopsided, my sewing is a bit crooked and my knitting, well, let's just say those mistakes are not 'on purpose'

Work is a bit different. I go all out to do things correctly because is matters to someone else, but in my personal life, I have no problem being a little off (no comments )

Amazonia posted 10/2/2013 05:42 AM

I used to. I stopped around the time I got divorced.

Bobbi_sue posted 10/2/2013 07:09 AM

Sometimes, but I try not to. For example, I get a bit mad at myself for misplacing my glasses or phone. I could have them in my hand, but decide I need something else before I go out the door, set the item down (somewhere???) while looking for the other needed item. Then I get so mad at myself for having to look for the original item I had already had in my hand and forgetting where I left it! I call myself an idiot.

But I think this is a bad thing to do. On some level, I know this is a normal trait and not really something to consider myself an "idiot" for even though I still wish I would not do it. There are other things I do that I get mad at myself for, too.

She11ybeanz posted 10/2/2013 07:14 AM

I'm the biggest worrier I know!

InnerLight posted 10/2/2013 08:37 AM

I am self employed and feel very financially vulnerable after that lovely combo of recession plus divorce. So every activity I do I second guess myself...if I'm relaxing a voice says Focus on xyz project!, if I focus on xyz project then a voice says What about abc project!, and if I focus on abc it says Relax! There are always a lot of shoulds in my head.

I have to sit down w this voice sometimes and negotiate a cease fire.

Confused1829 posted 10/2/2013 09:34 AM

Thanks all - maybe it's a personality thing and just the way I'm wired!

I realize I get upset with myself for not saying or doing the right thing, and being a better person.

Part of it that's resurfacing now - could be because I'm taking some classes to get a certificate in my professional field. So, I'm tired with the extra projects, class and work. It reminds me of when I was going to grad school and working that last year of my marriage. My XH said that was one of the reasons we 'grew apart' and he cheated, so maybe a part of me thinks, omg, I'm doing it again! I'm putting my professional life ahead of my personal life and I'll die alone, lol.

I know it sounds crazy. I went to IC just during the A for a short period of time but didn't have insurance. Now I have insurance again and think I'm ready to go back. First appointment in 2 years tonight (new person in a new town) so I know I have to shop around. But, I'm proud of myself for starting again. Baby steps.

Just curious, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit crazy, does everyone feel on some level they're a bit crazy? lol. I think I'm watching too much of United States of Tara on Netflix.. Thank God I finished the series yesterday :)

msk99 posted 10/2/2013 11:24 AM

No I don't. I know I'm far from perfect, and I'm ok with that.

Artemisia posted 10/2/2013 12:47 PM

Just curious, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit crazy, does everyone feel on some level they're a bit crazy?

Yes. In my IC session yesterday I repeatedly said that I think I'm "losing my mind." I can't stop thinking about all the bad decisions I've made, the wrong things I've done, said, and believed that have led me down this painful road of losing my best friend and the life I knew. I am second guessing practically every decision I've made for the past...hmmm... how about 14 years. It really feels like crazy to me: my mind, as I knew it, is gone.

But what my IC said was: I want you to lose your mind. Lose the part that is second guessing and being so hard on yourself. MUCH easier said than done, but really good stuff to think about.

tryingagain74 posted 10/2/2013 17:41 PM

I think I'm a little bit better about not beating myself up, but I worry ALL THE TIME about things that I cannot control. I even tell myself, "You're doing everything that you can to fix the situation; worrying is not going to help or to change anything."

Yet, I still do it. I'm tired of being anxious (literally).

fraeuken posted 10/2/2013 21:46 PM

Add me to the nut pile. I constantly beat myself up and I love to say 'sorry'. Still learning to take my power back. One of these days...

NaiveAgain posted 10/3/2013 06:46 AM

Just curious, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit crazy, does everyone feel on some level they're a bit crazy?
Yes but I embrace it. I tell everyone I'm just a little bit crazy. My guy says a little crazy is a good thing, as long as I'm not entirely psycho.....

I am constantly forgetting and losing things these days. I get a bit ticked off but then I remind myself that my brain is overloaded with all the crap I am dealing with....our ancestors didn't live in such a busy busy world with a million things to do every day and we aren't wired to deal with constant input, so I give myself some slack.....

Exit Wounds posted 10/3/2013 08:10 AM

No, I don't beat myself up. I work two jobs and go to school and have my kids full time. What's there to beat myself up over?
Am I perfect?
BUT! I am doing a damn good job doing my best!
Therefore, I don't beat myself up. I praise myself

homewrecked2011 posted 10/7/2013 03:16 AM

I beat myself up at not being able to remember things,,,I was never like this before Dday.

I am given instructions at work to do 3 things. I completely cannot recall one of the things to do!

I can tell my thought processes are not "there", and thus I have lots of reasons to beat myself up!

Thank you for this post,, I realize I am hard on myself for something that is a direct result of the A.

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