Just one half a glance look at a phone bill after a nice day out with my mother and grandmother - and I sat on the toilet while my stomach fell to the floor in disbelief of what I suspected right then and there.
Who knew that the world as we know it can turn around in an instant and change FOREVER?
I sure didn't. I thought my past of being alone, scared and lost were behind me. Truly my ex-husband was my savior at the age of 19. He "saved" me from a life that I wont' get into, but nevertheless, it was not a happy one. I thought I had left all that behind.
We had 10 years of vacations, planning, wedding, kids, buying a home, laughing, building a foundation of our future....and BAM...he took all that and threw it in the trash for a woman who only knew for 2 months.
I cried like I had never cried before. I got skinny like I never had before. Went from 160lbs to 110lbs. People thought I was on drugs. My mom thought I was going to die of starvation. My poor kids - god only knows what emotional damage I did to them during those first two years. Good thing they had my mom here to help. I'm sure I did my best, but I know it was not good enough.
I literally thought I would die. I actually prayed for God to take me at that time because I could not take the pain.
Flash forward 12 years, and I'm a survivor. I have not only survived, but I've lived. I secured a great job, I raised two handsome young men and have been on top of their education as much as I could, I've traveled a bit, I've dated a bit. Now, more than anything I pray to God to not take me now or anytime soon. I pray to God to let me keep living the life I want live. I pray to be thankful for everything I DO have.
I have come to a point in my life where I finally don't "need" anyone anymore. I was constantly in search of a new partner because I thought I'd never be happy unless I had a partner. Granted I hope to have that again someday and I do get very lonely, but I am no longer broken. I am no longer in search of someone else to complete me. I am complete on my own. I am my own person and would only want to share my experiences with someone - not need to them to do an experience, if that makes sense.
I am just typing here, and have not re-read what I am going to post here. Its all from the heart.
I am glad to be ALIVE. I am glad to be FREE.
thank you SI for all your support over these years. I couldn't have done it without you.
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Thanks for letting us know about the light at the end of the tunnel.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Great post.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:50 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
I know your road hasn't been easy, but you're a testament to others here that life can be great after infidelity.
AJ's MOM
ETA: FTG
[This message edited by ajsmom at 8:35 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer ____________________________________________ Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09 One AMAZING DS - 34
Five simple rules of happiness: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
It is what it is.
Ugh, let this day just be over.
Was trying my damnest to start this day out on a positive note, but it just didn't turn out that way.
