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click4it posted 10/2/2013 00:06 AM

Twelve year ago, my rosey world (where I knew nothing of: being a single mother, of losing a partner, losing my "married with children status", sleeping alone, and the list can go on) came crashing down from one simple look at a phone bill.

Just one half a glance look at a phone bill after a nice day out with my mother and grandmother - and I sat on the toilet while my stomach fell to the floor in disbelief of what I suspected right then and there.

Who knew that the world as we know it can turn around in an instant and change FOREVER?

I sure didn't. I thought my past of being alone, scared and lost were behind me. Truly my ex-husband was my savior at the age of 19. He "saved" me from a life that I wont' get into, but nevertheless, it was not a happy one. I thought I had left all that behind.

We had 10 years of vacations, planning, wedding, kids, buying a home, laughing, building a foundation of our future....and BAM...he took all that and threw it in the trash for a woman who only knew for 2 months.

I cried like I had never cried before. I got skinny like I never had before. Went from 160lbs to 110lbs. People thought I was on drugs. My mom thought I was going to die of starvation. My poor kids - god only knows what emotional damage I did to them during those first two years. Good thing they had my mom here to help. I'm sure I did my best, but I know it was not good enough.

I literally thought I would die. I actually prayed for God to take me at that time because I could not take the pain.

Flash forward 12 years, and I'm a survivor. I have not only survived, but I've lived. I secured a great job, I raised two handsome young men and have been on top of their education as much as I could, I've traveled a bit, I've dated a bit. Now, more than anything I pray to God to not take me now or anytime soon. I pray to God to let me keep living the life I want live. I pray to be thankful for everything I DO have.

I have come to a point in my life where I finally don't "need" anyone anymore. I was constantly in search of a new partner because I thought I'd never be happy unless I had a partner. Granted I hope to have that again someday and I do get very lonely, but I am no longer broken. I am no longer in search of someone else to complete me. I am complete on my own. I am my own person and would only want to share my experiences with someone - not need to them to do an experience, if that makes sense.

I am just typing here, and have not re-read what I am going to post here. Its all from the heart.

I am glad to be ALIVE. I am glad to be FREE.

thank you SI for all your support over these years. I couldn't have done it without you.

heartbroken_kk posted 10/2/2013 00:13 AM

Dear member number 209, thank you! Wow.

Thanks for letting us know about the light at the end of the tunnel.

woundedby2 posted 10/2/2013 01:53 AM

Good for you, Click! I wish you every happiness.

MovingUpward posted 10/2/2013 04:27 AM

Yay Clicky!!!!!

FaithFool posted 10/2/2013 07:50 AM

#209! Wow.

Great post.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:50 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

Too_Trusting posted 10/2/2013 07:51 AM

AWESOME, Click. I'm also about 12 years out, so congrats from #99!

hexed posted 10/2/2013 08:28 AM

Oh Click. this post makes me happy

ajsmom posted 10/2/2013 08:34 AM

You've done well, clicky.

I know your road hasn't been easy, but you're a testament to others here that life can be great after infidelity.



[This message edited by ajsmom at 8:35 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

wildbananas posted 10/2/2013 09:15 AM

Jrazz posted 10/2/2013 11:58 AM

Love ya, clicks.

msk99 posted 10/2/2013 12:19 PM

Very powerful, thanks for posting!

better4me posted 10/2/2013 12:21 PM

Needed to see this today. Thank you for posting from your heart!

nowiknow23 posted 10/2/2013 12:35 PM

Love this clicky.

Must Survive posted 10/2/2013 13:32 PM

Thank you Click!

click4it posted 10/2/2013 17:08 PM

thanks so much everyone. glad my post was helpful. I just typed it all out and didn't know it would have an impact. glad I shared my feelings today.

tryingagain74 posted 10/2/2013 17:45 PM

Thanks, click. I've hit DDay season (a couple of weeks after yours-- I'm two years out), and I've been very down. I needed a good dose of hope!

peridot posted 10/2/2013 18:12 PM

Need a clapping hand and some pom poms for this post. WTG!

fraeuken posted 10/2/2013 21:45 PM

Hugs, click4it. Hope we can have a drink/snack/dinner to 12 years soon!

click4it posted 10/2/2013 23:18 PM

thanks guys! Man I had such a shitty day!! My boss was a total B..told me she doesn't want to talk to me about an issue I wanted to bring up to her because she is cranky, but yet she was willing to talk with everyone else in the office and she gave me cold shoulder all day...and I had an argument with my son, which resulted in him pouting for 4 hours and had a lousy dinner out with my kids....

Ugh, let this day just be over.

Was trying my damnest to start this day out on a positive note, but it just didn't turn out that way.

okaynow posted 10/3/2013 23:15 PM

Love you Click. You are great!

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