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8 months out

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easiersaid posted 10/2/2013 09:01 AM

Hello SI-land,

Just checking in after a few months away from the boards. Sad to see the number of users well over 40K. Sigh.

As my title says, I'm about 8 months out. Working on R. My WH is still in IC, and likely will be for a long time. No major revelations, just a broken person. It is a shame, we make a really good team in a lot of ways, that he wasted time on all the cheating and lying.

I have mostly good days now. I do have periods where I still hate him, deeply. We haven't started MC because I'm concerned that my deep hatred will be unproductive, and he still has more work to do in IC. I do see it in our mid-range future. After 3 or so months of wanting to spray him with bleach, our sex life is back to near-normal, and I was fortunate to not have mind movies or any of the other things I've seen people deal with on SI.

Do I trust him? No, despite the transparency. Will I ever? Maybe. Do I love him? Yes...but not like before, and I suspect I will never completely love him again. Is it still worth being together? Yes. I do love him, and I love our children, and no one could replace that. But, I will not hesitate to divorce him if I ever suspect any infidelity again.

So, for those of you in the early days, it gets better. It really does. I lost 10 lbs I didn't need to, could barely eat, felt like I was in a fog for the first month or two. And it cleared, and I'm back to highly functioning. Hang in there.

MovingUpward posted 10/2/2013 10:21 AM

Thanks for the update. I'm glad that things are improving

We haven't started MC because I'm concerned that my deep hatred will be unproductive

So what steps are you taking to work through this deep hatred?

easiersaid posted 10/2/2013 11:11 AM

My own IC, time, and lots of deep breathing.

MovingUpward posted 10/2/2013 18:09 PM

Glad that you aren't forgetting about your healing too.

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