Hello SI-land,
Just checking in after a few months away from the boards. Sad to see the number of users well over 40K. Sigh.
As my title says, I'm about 8 months out. Working on R. My WH is still in IC, and likely will be for a long time. No major revelations, just a broken person. It is a shame, we make a really good team in a lot of ways, that he wasted time on all the cheating and lying.
I have mostly good days now. I do have periods where I still hate him, deeply. We haven't started MC because I'm concerned that my deep hatred will be unproductive, and he still has more work to do in IC. I do see it in our mid-range future. After 3 or so months of wanting to spray him with bleach, our sex life is back to near-normal, and I was fortunate to not have mind movies or any of the other things I've seen people deal with on SI.
Do I trust him? No, despite the transparency. Will I ever? Maybe. Do I love him? Yes...but not like before, and I suspect I will never completely love him again. Is it still worth being together? Yes. I do love him, and I love our children, and no one could replace that. But, I will not hesitate to divorce him if I ever suspect any infidelity again.
So, for those of you in the early days, it gets better. It really does. I lost 10 lbs I didn't need to, could barely eat, felt like I was in a fog for the first month or two. And it cleared, and I'm back to highly functioning. Hang in there.
