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Newest Member: Skippy12 (61859)

User Topic: Counselors???
♀ 35417
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK - so I have given up that my husband will ever get the help that he needs.

I have been toying with the idea of getting an IC for me.

But here's the deal. I live in a sort of small town. I go to "the" church in that town. I have just googled counselors in my town, and I know 1 or 2 of them, and the others' names are familiar to me.

I know many believe that it is cathartic to talk to people about the infidelity situation, but I just can't. I won't.

And I especially can't if I think I might pass them in the hallway at church on Sunday!

(I don't believe in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, OR confidentiality.)

So, any suggestions for finding someone? My husband and I went across the country one time. And another time we did phone counseling. Neither were helpful.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 4620 | Registered: Apr 2012
♀ 28362
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How close to a larger town are you? I know the pitfalls of a small town. My mother always knew what we were up to even before we got back home.

I get it, if your car is parked someplace, someone will see and the stories will start. I still live where for many things I drive an hour or two away so noone will see me or wonder what I am doing.

Do go to IC. I like IC. I could talk about things that I could not nor would I talk to anyone else about. Mine helped me alot and then moved. I am now looking for a new one. Have your read any books on post A? I like "Not Just Friends'- Dr. Shirley Glass. Life after betrayal. They are not the same thing as IC but they can be helpful to both you and your FWS.


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
♀ 39712
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't know if this an option for you or not, but have you looked into the possibility of counseling online (via Skype or something similar) or telephone? I did phone counseling for a bit until I could find someone local and even just having that sounding board was so helpful. I wish you the best in your search; there are several services available via the internet.

Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CONGRATULATIONS!! WhatsRight, wonderful to hear you're taking control of your mental health!

I think I might pass them in the hallway at church on Sunday!

Finish this thought...
If I pass my IC in the church hallway on Sunday, then...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009
♀ 10347
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only went to IC for a short time, and I didn't go for advice, but did go to have someone to talk to, kind of a like a paid friend who didn't know my H.

I live in a small town and everyone knows my H. I did not want to be seen going into "that" building, nor did I want the receptionists or other waiting patients to see me, all of whom might know who I was. So I went to a larger town about 30 miles away and it worked out well for me. She was a good one too, not just after the easy money. After a few months, she told me that she thought I was just fine and didn't really need to keep coming. I don't think many of them do that. I think if there is any merit to counseling at all, it should have results in a short period of time, rather than spending years on "analyzing" and supposedly "working on yourself" by paying someone to help you do that. I also like that she did not give me tons of advice, tell me what to do, how to think, or feel.

Posts: 6841 | Registered: Apr 2006
Topic Posts: 5

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