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WhatsRight posted 10/2/2013 09:30 AM

OK - so I have given up that my husband will ever get the help that he needs.

I have been toying with the idea of getting an IC for me.

But here's the deal. I live in a sort of small town. I go to "the" church in that town. I have just googled counselors in my town, and I know 1 or 2 of them, and the others' names are familiar to me.

I know many believe that it is cathartic to talk to people about the infidelity situation, but I just can't. I won't.

And I especially can't if I think I might pass them in the hallway at church on Sunday!

(I don't believe in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, OR confidentiality.)

So, any suggestions for finding someone? My husband and I went across the country one time. And another time we did phone counseling. Neither were helpful.

Dallas2 posted 10/2/2013 10:14 AM

How close to a larger town are you? I know the pitfalls of a small town. My mother always knew what we were up to even before we got back home.

I get it, if your car is parked someplace, someone will see and the stories will start. I still live where for many things I drive an hour or two away so noone will see me or wonder what I am doing.

Do go to IC. I like IC. I could talk about things that I could not nor would I talk to anyone else about. Mine helped me alot and then moved. I am now looking for a new one. Have your read any books on post A? I like "Not Just Friends'- Dr. Shirley Glass. Life after betrayal. They are not the same thing as IC but they can be helpful to both you and your FWS.

mellie99 posted 10/2/2013 10:41 AM

Don't know if this an option for you or not, but have you looked into the possibility of counseling online (via Skype or something similar) or telephone? I did phone counseling for a bit until I could find someone local and even just having that sounding board was so helpful. I wish you the best in your search; there are several services available via the internet.

ladies_first posted 10/2/2013 13:08 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!! WhatsRight, wonderful to hear you're taking control of your mental health!

I think I might pass them in the hallway at church on Sunday!

Finish this thought...
If I pass my IC in the church hallway on Sunday, then...

Bobbi_sue posted 10/2/2013 13:44 PM

I only went to IC for a short time, and I didn't go for advice, but did go to have someone to talk to, kind of a like a paid friend who didn't know my H.

I live in a small town and everyone knows my H. I did not want to be seen going into "that" building, nor did I want the receptionists or other waiting patients to see me, all of whom might know who I was. So I went to a larger town about 30 miles away and it worked out well for me. She was a good one too, not just after the easy money. After a few months, she told me that she thought I was just fine and didn't really need to keep coming. I don't think many of them do that. I think if there is any merit to counseling at all, it should have results in a short period of time, rather than spending years on "analyzing" and supposedly "working on yourself" by paying someone to help you do that. I also like that she did not give me tons of advice, tell me what to do, how to think, or feel.

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