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luvbug0915 posted 10/2/2013 10:15 AM

SO is attending a settlement meeting at 1:30 today with his xw regarding custody of his DD(14).
It's a long story but the gist is that it's best for DD to live with us and it's what she has wanted since her mother moved her out of the county back in Feb. She continues to subject the child to 1.5 to 2 hours daily round trip car rides to keep her in her current school when we live just 1/2 mile from the school. DD is in special programs as she is accelerated gifted and as a middle school student has her first class of the day at the high school at 7am. Couple that with after school activities 4 days a week and she is not getting back to her mothers until nearly 9pm each night when she finally gets to work on homework. Then up at 4:30am so she can be ready to leave by 6am.
SO offered a compromise back in Feb, let DD stay through the week and no change would be made in c/s, lets just do what's best for DD but she refused. So now it's come down to this.
There is also a DS(18) involved but his school work is much less demanding as he is in resource classes and is not involved in any after school activities. He is going for custody of both but willing to compromise on DS as long as his grades do not suffer.
Geez, I'm a nervous wreck. Every night when that little girl is picked up from our house after her extracurricular activities and I know she still has 2-3 hours of homework and I know she will be lucky to get 5 hrs of sleep, I just want to cry.

MovingUpward posted 10/2/2013 10:18 AM

Sending mojo!!!!

hexed posted 10/2/2013 10:25 AM

Lots of good thoughts going out for your SO and kids!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 10/2/2013 10:32 AM

Sending mojo!

jo2love posted 10/2/2013 10:42 AM

Sending mojo and good thoughts.

LosferWords posted 10/2/2013 10:45 AM

Sending lots of mojo and positive thoughts. Hoping for the very best.

luvbug0915 posted 10/2/2013 11:19 AM

Thanks so much!

I am looking forward to some much needed peace of mind after this. Hopefully they can agree on a majority of issues and leave very little for the judge to decide when they go to court.

tushnurse posted 10/2/2013 14:15 PM

Mojo and positive thoughts coming your way!!!

jrc1963 posted 10/2/2013 15:05 PM

Mojo and positive thoughts and support!!!

I hate it when parents to at least try to work things out in the best interest of the child due to their own selfish reasons or stubborn pride or whatever!

Kids come first damn it!

luvbug0915 posted 10/3/2013 12:33 PM

So, the ex wife lied and said she had no clue the DD 14 wants live with her dad. In spite of the fact that DD 14 signed 2 affidavits, one during the summer when this all started and another the week she turned 14 last month. Ex wifes atty had been notified of the affidavit but it's unclear if she received a copy prior to yesterdays meeting. They were at an impasse and decided to readdress with a mediator in 2 weeks.
Ex wife is also claiming that SO is consistently past due on child and spousal support payments because he pays her bi-weekly instead of monthly. But when SO insisted that he was not past due it got heated and they all had to take a break. When recon veined it was determined that he is actually ahead by $700 year to date.
I think at this point she and her attorneys are just throwing shit to see what sticks because she doesn't want to loose her 3k a month money train.
Back to sitting on our hands for 2 more weeks while the mother has time to discuss DD14's decision with her (read as- emotionally manipulate her into backing down so she doesn't loose any c/s). I hate that bitch!

Aubrie posted 10/3/2013 14:25 PM

I'm sorry y'all have to deal with this. What mother wouldn't be concerned for the physical and mental welfare of their child? What she's doing to her DD is not healthy. What a witch.

still2suspicious posted 10/3/2013 15:08 PM


Sounds like you have a very intelligent 14 yr old there.

I see it that since she signed, not just one, but TWO affadavits to request living with you and SO, that the 2 weeks the ex has to try to change her mind probably aint' gonna work!

Way to go, DD14!!

luvbug0915 posted 10/3/2013 19:56 PM

I'm going to call SOs DD14 L for ease of us.
L had church activity after school yesterday so came to our home directly from school then was picked up and dropped off by a fellow church member and friend. Her mother (the ex) picked her up about 10 minutes after she arrived back from church, about 8:15pm.
Tonight was SOs weekly night with kids, he picked L up at 6pm from after school running club and she told him all about her ride home last night. Her mother told her how selfish she was being, that she was not taking the well being of the entire family into account and how difficult it would be for her to manage without ALL of her child support. She proceeded to tell her that we (her father and I) are not her family and that SHE is her family and that her father left them.
This bitch used every manipulation tool in the book to get poor L to back down and reconsider. L is sticking to her guns, she has always been a daddys girl and she wants to live with her daddy...period. She told me tonight that 2 years ago she probably would have caved but she's learned her mothers tricks and doesn't like what she sees.
This child has been researching career paths for well over a year, setting herself up to graduate a year early and get a free ride to the college of choice. Last year (in 7th grade) she took the SATs and scored in the 1200s. This girl is going places!!
Mom, otoh has never worked a day in her life and has been content to sit back and do nothing for the past 3 yrs except take SOs money, loose the house in spite of 3k a month, refuse to work even part time and then blame SO when she can't make ends meet. It would probably help if she didn't use the money for cosmetic surgery and vacations. Stupid bitch! Sorry do I sound bitter? much?

luvbug0915 posted 10/7/2013 07:40 AM

Emergency mediation this morning followed by court tomorrow.
Please, please, please send good thoughts and mojo.

MovingUpward posted 10/7/2013 07:42 AM

Sending more mojo

imagoodwitch posted 10/7/2013 08:03 AM

Fingers crossed, mojo and prayers sent.

nowiknow23 posted 10/7/2013 08:08 AM

Sending it all, luvbug! ((((SO's DD14))))

luvbug0915 posted 10/7/2013 08:23 AM

Mediation cancelled because the mother claims L has not made her decision as to where she wants to live.
That's a load of BS! She was at our house over the weekend to do homework (because her mother claims she can't afford internet) and all she could talk about is moving in with us. She tried to stay with us the whole weekend but her mother refused and instead made her go home only to pack her stuff again and go to her grandparents house so she could use their internet to finish her homework.
I'm sure her grandparents did their share of browbeating that poor child as well.

That woman is going to make her child go before the judge and tell him what she wants because she can't accept the fact that her daughter would be better off living with her dad.

There is so much more to the story that I haven't shared but the gist is this...the mother has a boyfriend that gives L the creeps. Initially he was practically living there until SO reminded her that she was is contempt of the divorce agreement. This is why mom moved the kids to another county and just a few doors down from her parents (L's grandparents). Mom leaves the kids every night to sleep at her parents house with her boyfriend, been doing this since they moved in Feb.
We are hoping that the judge sees this for what it is, an attempt to skirt the system (have her cake and eat it too). She was also actively involved in an A when he left her in 2010.
She's a real piece of work.

eta: edited to add more details.

[This message edited by luvbug0915 at 8:33 AM, October 7th (Monday)]

simplydevastated posted 10/7/2013 08:30 AM

I'm coming in late on this. Sending you lots of mojo and strength.

Can they force a mediation instead of postponing them constantly? She's 14, can't she make the appointment herself or write a letter to the courts explaining where she wants to live and send it without her mother's knowledge?

I hope it works out for the best for everyone.

luvbug0915 posted 10/7/2013 08:40 AM

simplydevistated, court is tomorrow and our lawyer is hoping to get the issue of custody resolved then.

Mediation was to address custody and a whole list of other issues, including several contempt charges against mother and a reduction or hopefully a termination in spousal support. SO was very ill advised at the time of divorce and his new attorney has pointed out many flaws in the settlement that should have been caught by the judge prior to signing in the first place.

Keep the mojo coming!!!

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