Sorry that you've had a need to find SI but you have found a wonderful place for help.
I would suggest taking a look at the healing library, it's got a lot of useful information that you may find helpful.
It's been roughly 3months since your DDay so it is completely normal to have anxiety and the severe up and downs. That's normal, it's traumatic. Make sure you're taking car of yourself. Eating right, exercising as much as is possible. Are you in IC? That may be a good start, someone to get things off your chest. Talk to a Dr about what you're experiencing. There may be something he can give you to help with acute anxiety. Diazapam helped me initially with anxiety attacks.
I would also suggest looking for a new MC. They aren't all the same and finding a good one can be challenging.
Read and post here. You'll get all the support you could ask for from people who are going through the same thing. You're not alone.