SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why did I not realize that something was wrong?

Why did I not think his meanness on vacation was odd?

Why was I not surprised when he ignored my birthday?

Because this was the normal!!!

What in hell was I thinking???

This was ok with me???

I am just feeling so very angry today. I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my chest.

I don't do angry. Yup, that's right, never allowed it. It was unacceptable to me, reason, never inflict more pain on anyone, always show compassion!

This is where that has gotten me!

Just venting, getting out my anger here, now, while I feel it, trying to figure out what to do with it.

I have the right to feel this anger, but I do not want to be, holy crap, I was going to type, be like him.

I have seen the crushing mindless cruelty of unleashed irrational anger, that will never come from me. I refuse to do that.

I feel a little crazy today.

Hi

I never do anger either

What nonsense

Anger is an absolutely appropriate emotional response to being betrayed.

But anger does not excuse abusive behaviour

Express your anger appropriately without resorting to bad behaviour and it will only do you good

Pretending you aren't angry or denying it is not good for you

X

I could have written your post. One of the most difficult issues I have dealt with during R is being able to forgive myself. A lot of my anger since Dday has been toward myself. Self-forgiveness is on-going.

I became so acclimated to my WH's anger, porn addiction, neglect of me and the M over the years that I actually thought it was "normal" to be in that dysfunctional M.

Never again will I accept that load of baloney from someone who is supposed to care for me.

Can't,

You can and should unleash the beast. Don't keep pushing it down inside of you. It's great that you can write it down and share, but really just getting it all out on him if that's where it goes, is perfectly OK. It helps in the healing for you to finally voice what is inside. And frankly, he should hear it.

That's right. That's me too. How could I tell that he was spending hours and hours having phone sex with MOW when he had spent YEARS not coming home from work? I was used to neglect! I thought that was normal, so imagine my SHOCK to find that he wasn't neglectful to everyone, just me (and kids).

I could have written any of the posts describing feeling neglected and being used to it. I just thought it was part of the territory. I tried to talk about it early on and was ignored. I just took the neglect over and over again. Months turned into a year and before I knew it , another year had gone by. And another. And another. And that was before the affair started. I take responsibility for my share in the bad communication but you also can't get blood from a stone.

I'm dealing with it by realizing that if the A did not happen, and if I had not caught him in the act, my SAWH's real issues would not be getting addressed. And another affair would have probably happened. And this would have gone on and on forever or until I divorced him. I'm not HAPPY that the A happened, but at least I am trying to make some good come of it - for all of us (except OW - I don't give a shit about her - she's on her own).

I don't get mad when I know I never realized anything was wrong, I get sad.

We trusted our spouses just like we should have.

I will never make that mistake again:(