He cheated on his very first girlfriend with the woman who became his first wife and the mother of his five children. I sort of knew about this, but he spun it differently (of course) and I believed him.
He then cheated on said first wife and mother of the kids. I suspected this a few years ago, but now the XW is holding nothing back. She's told all the kids recently, "Now you're seeing first hand what an asshole your dad is, and I'm not hiding anything for him anymore."
After they divorced he was briefly alone and then met a woman online. He dated her/lived with her for four years. Guess who he used to cheat on her? Me. Though I didn't know it at the time.
And now he's cheated on me and left me for OW. I can only imagine that the same thing will happen with that relationship, because up to this point in life he's cheated in EVERY relationship he's had. His pathetic life is on some sort of f*cked repeat cycle, over and over. Only the players change. Never him. He never, NEVER changes and I'm convinced he never will.
I'm just curious how many of you, like me, found themselves victim to a serial cheater. And does it make you feel better (since clearly this is HIS issue and had little to do with me personally), or worse... (because how did I not see this guy for what he really was??)
I go back and forth, feeling validated one day, and like the worlds biggest sucker the next. It depends on my state of mind, I guess. And lately my state of mind hasn't been great.
Thanks for reading...
((HUGE HUGS)) to you all. I would be really lost without this board lately.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
ETA hugs to you too
[This message edited by Tripletrouble at 4:39 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
Of course I didn't find that out until years later. It always bothered me that he smirked when talking about it.
I asked him why and he gave a different reason for each one. It was what I now know to be the usual bullshit crap. Mainly problems in the relationship and he 'fell in love' with someone else. I asked him if he thought there was something wrong with him - the women were all so different as were the relationship problems. Nope - just fell in love. You can't stop love now, can you?
Stupid me didn't even see the dots let alone connect them.
I knew he was capable of it I just didn't think he would do it. To.Me. Wife. Mother of his children. No way.
I was special, dontcha know.
Now OWUmpteen gets to be special! I suspect she has already beaten him to it though.
He had a girlfriend when I met him. I was very clear that we would not "date" until that relationship was over. I now have reason to believe there was some overlap in our relationships and that I may have been the OW for a bit...
And suddenly I see, what I lost ain't no loss.
-Richie Kotzen, "What I Lost"
I agree with others though, they he exhibited a lack of boundaries early on. I should have gotten a clue.
It is what it is.
In all scenarios he was the victim.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
He conned me because I'm a nice, honest person who doesn't suspect that people are liars and cheaters because I'm not. He conned me because I was loving and giving and supportive and tried to work with him and compromise. He conned me because of all of my good qualities. Qualities that I'm proud of. He didn't con me because I'm weak. So I've nothing to be embarrassed about. Most especially because once I found out what he really was? I divorced him immediately and for over a year have deflected every single avenue he's used to try and contact me. Fucker.
I guess with me it just took longer. Amazing that I never saw the bloody red flags that waved in my face.
Attachment issues for sure. Attach, detach, attach, detach.... And I assume it will continue with her current POS unless she realizes she has serious problems and goes into deep extended therapy. But in any case, not my problem any more.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
My ex has never left a relationship without a new one lined up
is my XWH exactly too. In all his adult life he's only been alone for a couple of months. That was right after his first wife kicked him out. He always described that as "the darkest time" in his life. I thought it was because his marriage was ending and he was losing his kids. Now I think it had nothing to do with that. It was horrible for him because he was alone, and he couldn't stand it. Other than that brief period, ALL of his relationships have overlapped.
It's really sad when you think about it. I don't like being alone but at least I know that I can do it if I have to. He can't, and so he makes sure that he's never in that situation.
It makes me realize how much stronger I am than him.
Now I'm the mean, awful, terrible, cold, callous, heartless ex-wife, or at least that is how he painted me once I found out about his A. And no doubt OW heard about just how awful I am.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 10:09 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
He was my first real boyfriend, but, he had a girlfriend before me. We saw each other a few times before meeting, and he spent a lot of time staring, but that was it. He told me, he had a gf at that time, and someone else told her that he had a crush on me, and he claimed that was why she broke up with him, for liking me, even though we hadn't met. At 17, I thought "crazy, jealous chick." Eventually, I found out, while he and this girl dated all through high school, every time they had an argument, he went out with other girls. He had about 15 "one week"girlfriends throughout the 4 years they were together. Now, I wonder if she was completely reasonable in her reaction.
He replaced me several times before I kicked him out. And, since then, he's never been alone. He's had about 20 break up in the last 5 years, but, he's never been single.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
His ex wife told me that he was an asshole to her. It's her justification for the affair but I tend to believe her having lived with the asshole myself.
Apparently once she had caught him with some girl at a party off alone with his hand down her shirt. He said he was drunk.
It puts a lot of questions into my mind. Has he done it before? Probably.
Not my problem anymore.
[This message edited by Lola2kids at 7:42 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]