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Why Does This Happen

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StillLivin posted 10/2/2013 18:04 PM

I'm just curious about somethings.
I'm not an unattractive woman, but I'm not Salma Hayak or Halle Berry either.
It just seems like the lest few months I have been getting hit on or ogled significantly more than before I knew about the affair.
I'm wondering, was this always going on but I didn't catch it because I was so committed and now I'm detaching from that toxic committment.
Or is it like another member said, blood in the water?
Or hell, maybe it's the D diet I didn't want to go on and lost the 20 pounds.
Sooooo, guess I would like answers, but really really want to know...
Have any BSs noticed they were hit on much more often or caught other men/women ogling them after their DDay?

crazyblindsided posted 10/2/2013 18:17 PM

It's happening like crazy to me now. I have steel clad boundaries though

StillLivin posted 10/2/2013 18:31 PM

I would love to hear what you think on the WHYs though.
Same here with the boundaries. I feel like a hypocrite saying I'm married, but I just cannot go there and demean myself with an A even if STBXH abandoned me and is living with his AP.
I will be divorced soon enough, can wait until then. Hell, will probably wait much longer after that.

TrulySad posted 10/2/2013 19:01 PM

Same here.... It's happened every time I discovered someone I was with was cheating.

Maybe we are just blind to other people, because of our boundries? Not sure. I do think that once I decided to 180, I started noticing other men seeing me in a way the man I was with never saw me. It helped in giving me the confidence I needed to walk away.

kickboxer posted 10/2/2013 20:25 PM

I have no idea, but I can definitely relate.

The DAY found out -- in fact, only a mere few hours beforehand -- a man nearly tripped over himself trying to get near me to tell me he loved the flower in my hair. I was taken back. I hadn't been hit on so blatantly in YEARS! It was almost as if there was some cosmic force that knew what was coming.

Since then, I'm more aware...there's plenty of attention to be had!!!! If I wanted it, that is.

I really just want my husband's attention, and hurt inside knowing he gave it away.

LineInTheSand posted 10/2/2013 20:39 PM

Oh heck yeah! It happened a lot. I even came out of the public library once and found a note left on my windshield with a name and number and a request for a date.

Another weird one was the produce guy at my local grocery offering his "counseling" services.

Even a letter carrier! This guy even at one point grabbed my hand to see if I was wearing a wedding band yet. Crazy!

I believe they somehow sense our vulnerabilities. What else could it be?

naivewife posted 10/2/2013 20:57 PM

I have been pregnant and or post-partum seemingly non-stop for the past four years! Far too absorbed with my little boys whenever I leave the house to even notice fellow human beings when I'm out in public. I'll never forget that about two weeks after d-day WH and I were in the grocery store and at that point, I was walking about 30 feet away from WH at all times, and I looked up and caught a very attractive man in a really nice suit totally checking me out. At first I thought he was just looking at my cute baby as most people do but no, he did the full up and down, and then a great smile. I swear to god it took all of my strength to not run up to him and kiss him! As odd as it sounds, he was like an angel. It had been ages, and I had forgotten entirely that I was even visible to anyone, and then with the discovery of WH's A and the shit things he said to me on d-day, I couldn't be at a lower than low point. I honestly don't think I will ever forget that man.

naivewife posted 10/2/2013 21:02 PM

Anyway, for me personally, I think it made me open my eyes and look around for the first time in a long time. I stopped looking to WH to reflect back my self worth. I wasn't looking for that in anyone else either, I was just undistracted by my marriage?! Sounds strange but so is infidelity.

[This message edited by naivewife at 9:02 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

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