I've got to be honest here with everyone, my exw did cheat with two EAs, and she had some issues with I believe being "bored" with the life we made. But, she was remorseful, she tried to make us work, she tried to be a better person. I couldn't give her my trust.
We used to fight, and I would get quiet when we would fight, I wouldn't call her. Eventually, she would almost always break down, cry to me, or call me. What a stupid game I would play, was that for my own ego?
I think when she left, she was struggling at first,I was scared because I figured she could find someone on the Internet like she did before, and I was worried I'd get hurt. So I distanced myself.
She eventually stopped calling, stopped trying to get a hold of me. To be honest, in the back of my mind, I thought she would again cry and try and come back to me.
I see now she is strong, stronger than I ever thought. And I see she is passed me. She is making a life for herself, she is making new friends and moving on. I obsess over what her activities are. I do miss her, I do miss our marriage.
I also see how I failed to be a better person. I lost her. But I lost her because of me, not the EAs. I was unable to forgive or grow. She was remorseful. And she did try.
Now it hurts so bad,and it's my own fault. I want her to be unhappy, but I think she is content and doesn't care or think of me at all.
I need to come clean here, I have a lot of the blame for my D and failing my kids, and my own unhappiness.
BS-Me (38)
FWW-(37)
3 Kids-
2009-She wants divorce
2009-2012 trying to R
2012-she wants a divorce again
2012-we are divorced
2013- trying MC to work it out, she does show some remorse, but I can't trust here anymore
2013- she moved out,