Small only because I am getting better at dealing with it and I know for a fact where he is!
FWH just left to go to his parents house for a little bit. That was always were he said he was going when he was spending time with her. I don't know that I am ever going to get over the panic attack I have when he goes there. But the app on his phone telling me where he is does help.
PLUS, I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed that he came to me and said that he missed OW and he was going to spend the night with her. Then he left. I half woke up, crying, and he wasn't in bed. I fell right back asleep and the dream continued. I packed his shit and set it outside. Then called him and told him that if he missed her then he could just stay with her.
When I woke up this morning I was a mess. I asked him if he had gotten up in the middle of the night and he said yeah, to go to the bathroom. I just started bawling and told him about my dream. He laid me down on the bed and held me. Kept saying how sorry he was for causing me to have these dreams and for everything he has done, all the hurt he has caused me. He said repeatedly that he does NOT miss OW at all. He promised that it would never happen again and that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me. He actually said that he would rather die than to put me through this much pain again.
I'm thinking I should lay off the nyquil tonight....