SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

fireproof posted 10/2/2013 20:50 PM

Do you know how you try for your dreams? When you have to try again after having a really perfect life how do you do it? Obviously my bubble ended but how do you get back the hope that one day a world you never expected to be in will turn out ok?

If I was starting out then I would be ok but having had a very stable life I am left with rebuilding from less than I had when I graduated college.

I just don't know if I have the heart or logic to rebuild. I constantly tell myself to be grateful but somedays when I realize how far south I have gone it is hard. And I know I can do better.

Thanks for listening. I am fortunate I have good people but at the end of the day I know I have to get it together.

[This message edited by fireproof at 8:52 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

fraeuken posted 10/2/2013 21:38 PM

(((fireproof))), I hear you.

On the outside I had it all - the handsome successful husband, the kids, the house(s), the boat, the multiple cars, the great jobs, wonderful 5 star vacations.

I am a far cry from that today. Nothing is really stable anymore other than my friends and my family.

But I also have the opportunity to rebuild and in my case, rebuild according to my dreams. It will take time and not everything will happen, but I will do my best to make it mine.

Hang in there, fireproof, you will have new dreams and try for them!

fireproof posted 10/2/2013 21:55 PM

Thank you! You sound so positive. At times I feel like what is the point. I just don't know how else to be but I can't achieve those things now.

fraeuken posted 10/2/2013 23:40 PM

Fireproof, I am often at the bottom of the pit and I feel I will never have 'that' life again. And I realize I won't but it will still be okay, just different. I am still lovable. I can still love. I still have a purpose. And people who truly care about me. Who/what do you live for? I live for my kids and making their lives the best it can be within my means but with all my love and attention I can give them.

Go through your slump and then pull out of it and lean on everybody here to do it.

Williesmom posted 10/3/2013 07:30 AM

((fireproof))

It gets better. There is something to be said for being in control of your own destiny.

Exit Wounds posted 10/3/2013 08:07 AM

freproof, I am so with you! After the father of the year cleaned out our bank accounts, took what he "needed" and left me and his two kids in the dirt, I had to make due. I worked three (now down to two) jobs and went to school. Kids and I moved from a beautiful house to a two bedroom apt. We took turns on who had to reside in the living room. So that the other two would have a private bedroom. BUT! I never gave up! Now we rent a house. I work two jobs, go to school and we are doing OK enough.

Hang in there. Set resonable goals and stick with them. It will get better. I promise!

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 9:29 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

abbycadabby posted 10/3/2013 09:55 AM

(((((((fireproof)))))))

I can totally identify with your feelings. When I left my exH, I really struggled with feelings of discontent. At 30 years old, I was moving backwards in life. I wanted the dream, 2.5 kids, house with the white picket fence stuff. Moreover, I wanted to be GOOD at being a wife and mom.

Not only was this dream not realized for me, but I wasn't even good at it when it was there. (this was how I felt at the time- now I realize that yes, I made mistakes in my marriage, and I owned them. Overall, I feel good about my role as a wife- sometimes it haunts me though, if I'm honest)

Then, I felt weird because most of my friends were at completely different stages of their lives than I was. I didn't have a place that I "fit."

I just tried really hard to keep moving. Got involved with a local church and made some friends there. Leaned on those that cared about me a LOT. Cried when I needed to. Sometimes I took things minute by minute.

Slowly things began to change for me. DS and I settled into a new normal. Started grad school (which feels like my niche!) Began dating my really super cool and totally awesome SO.

You are such an amazing person! I'm sure you can do anything you set your mind to. If I can do anything, let me know.

Lots of hugs to you!

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 9:57 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]

fireproof posted 10/3/2013 22:12 PM

Thank you! I think I need a plan. I don't know what will happen in the future but I need to have goals again. Thank you for all the support!