I was speaking with WH on the phone today. We had a civil conversation about the A. That's a good sign considering the amount of anger I've been consumed with. I told him I'm aware that we are both consumed with emotions about this. Me with anger, sadness, hurt etc. He said that he's consumed with shame, remorse, regret, embarrassment feelings of being the biggest ass in the world.
I told him that he can say he understands how I feel but he really doesn't know. He got all teary sounding and said he knows and he is so so so sorry. He's an idiot, didn't know why he read so selfish and can't stand the way he hurt me and our family. I told him he took my sense of security in our relationship from me. That my safe place was no longer my safe place.
He says to me, in the most sincere voice I've every heard from his mouth, "I know I did and I can't stand it. You will eventually get that back. I know you don't trust me but I know if you will give me enough time you will feel that way again. Please allow me the lifetime of regret I'll live from this to show you that you're my everything. Please let me prove to you how much you mean to me. Please let me fix my broken promises and show you how much I love you."
I kicked him out yday and his aunt said he stayed up all night crying. My H is not one to show the sad emotions so that's a shock to me, and a welcome shock. My oldest son confided in me that he has talked to him about this and all he does is cry and apologize and he thinks he deserves a second chance.
Actions speak louder than words but the fact that he actuality opened up in a positive, non defensive way, has shown so much to me today