One of my friends has decided she is at the ILYBINILWY stage and has left her H.
She is excited as she sees this as a whole new start for her but her H who didn't see it coming (hell- none of us did) is devastated. He's crying and begging her to come home and promising to change but she's gone!
She's told me it's over and she hopes to meet a nice man sometime in the future so I know she's going through with it but I think her H thinks she will reconsider.
I see me in her H- the last to know that something is awry in the M and I'm triggering badly.
Whilst there's no one else involved some things she says remind me of wayward speak "I'm bored. It's all his fault I'm a moody cow. When I'm not with him I feel alive so he must be the problem! I want someone else- someone who treats me the way your H treats you!" ( THAT comment floored me and almost made me feel guilty for having a -now- fantastic M as I felt my M gave her a mirror that reflected to her just how crap her own M actually was! )
She's told him exactly how their S and D will be handled and that, if he doesn't like that, tough!
Trust me- there's nobody else. If she were having an A there's no way I'd still be speaking to her. Her H hasn't been a saint all these years and she strongly suspects he's had A's all the years they were M although she has no solid proof and says she can't live like this any more. ( my gut tells me he has but it's not been up to me to tell her that as it's unfair to make her suspicious just because my gut screams if she has never voiced her own opinion before .... anyway it looks like she's come to that conclusion on her own so a mute point now I guess.)
I feel like the foundation of my world has shifted again and I'm triggering badly once more. I almost want to shake her and tell her she's being cruel by leaving him yet staying friends with him as it's giving him false hope that she will turn up one day with her bags packed ready to move back into the M home!
I think that if she's moved on she should stay away from him and allow him the freedom to mourn her and move on himself and not be stuck in limbo land whereby -when he calls his S wife and asks her out for a meal she goes- just because she knows he'll pay!! He was the breadwinner so she's got (in her eyes) the best of both worlds. No H but still gets to have him pay for stuff when she's short at the end of the month. I've told her I think she's using him and she said "He cheated on me. I'm just looking out for me now!"
Why do I feel any ounce of sympathy for a man even I think has cheated? Why do her words trigger me?
Why has she turned into a person who toys with her H?
Is it because her actions remind me how my FWH treated me during our false R? Where he dangled a carrot for months?
All I know is I I'm trigger trigger triggering